Give thanks in all circumstances...Really?

With my writing, I have always tried to open my heart up and listen for what God calls to my attention. Sometimes there is silence or maybe I have just allowed the pressures of life to block the light. And yet, when I open my ears and my eyes to what is truly surrounding me, the light appears and gratitude takes the form of words for me. This week as I was preparing to leave for a business trip to London, I read a devotion focused on the verse in 1 Thessalonians that says to give thanks in all circumstances for this is the will of God concerning you. It has stuck with me all week so I felt compelled to write about it. Notice that it doesn’t say to give thanks for our good circumstances or try to give thanks if you can. It is pretty clear that we are called to give thanks in ALL circumstances. This is a tall order when you are dealing with life’s challenges. It is especially hard when it is your child who is having the difficulty. How do you actually give thanks for your child’s addiction?

I have spent the last 3 months or so in Alanon working through the impact of my son’s addiction on my life and quite frankly the impact of my own reactions on his. And, gratitude has been a constant area of focus over that time. For me, this is a theme that I have had to work through at other points in my life. There have been other periods of real darkness for me- abusive behavior, death, divorce, children’s health issues, and miscarriages. Throughout those periods, I have tried a lot of strategies which may have worked for a while like denial, perseverance, withdrawal and even martyrdom if I am completely honest. Eventually, strategies of self-reliance took their toll and brought my focus back to my faith and reliance on God. One of the ways that happened was through shifting my focus from the darkness or the pain of the situation to the gifts that surround me and the hope of my faith.

I have come to really believe that over time faith builds through adversity. I can look backwards and see God’s hand action. It has deepened my understanding of his love and his power in my life. In the book of Job, through his adversity, he spoke to God saying that he had now seen with his eyes what his ears had heard of God before. His faith was deepened through all the tragedy and loss. I do believe that if you shift your eyes and focus beyond the difficulties, you can open yourself up to God’s light in the darkest of times. You can do that through practicing gratitude.

I learned a great lesson years ago when I was going through a difficult separation. I had been home a week with my new baby and I had a 12 month old and a 7-year old at home. My focus was definitely on the darkness of my circumstance. I was grieving and scared, not to mention brutally tired. I remember one morning at the kitchen table my Mom encouraged me to write down my blessings. And so, I went through the motions of doing that but my focus was still on my pain. One of the items that I wrote down on my list was my children’s health. Please know that I am grateful for my children’s health and was at that time too at some level but took it for granted. My focus was not on it. I did not feel grateful because I had never been faced with the fear that comes when you have a child with a health crisis. I had not faced that challenge before. 48 hours after I wrote that list, I knew that fear. Both babies woke up with a fever and I was in the pediatrician’s office immediately. And within the hour, they were performing a spinal tap on my one week old baby. Then 24 hours later, she was hospitalized for a week with kidney issues which would go on to be a concern for next 5 years including two surgeries. Since that time, my middle son has been seriously ill with a blood infection and my oldest with lung issues that provided the circumstances that led to his addiction. So believe me, through the adversity, I have learned not to take my children’s health for granted.

Yes, I am grateful for their health. But how do you learn to actually be grateful for the illness? Give thanks in ALL circumstances… My only answer is that to give thanks, feel gratitude and live in that peace has to be a spiritual, supernatural transformation of the heart through God’s power. Otherwise, it would just be impossible to do.

This fall when my son had his last relapse, it started with chaos. It seemed everything was a challenge for him. I was incredibly fearful that he would relapse under the stress. Little did I know that he already had. But before long, my antenna was up and it all began to unravel again. He was doing things out of desperation and the disease was absolutely in control. The realization that he could die from this disease overcame me. And, for the first time, I was angry with God. I still get teary thinking about going to my knees begging God to intervene. There were choices that I was making that were against every ounce of maternal fiber in my being but I could not continue to enable the disease. I could not and would not intervene myself. I was desperate and focused on the darkness of his situation. I spent a week curled up in the fetal position on my bed. What I didn’t see at that moment was that God was on the move in my son’s life and in mine. That bottom was the beginning of recovery for both of us. 6 weeks later, my son was committed to his recovery in a way that I hadn’t seen before. He was focused on his faith and attending to all the dimensions of his disease- mental, physical, and spiritual. And, the biggest gift was his comment that the worst week of both of our lives ended up being the best week of his life. He was grateful and so I am I. Certainly, seemed impossible at the time…

I wasn’t giving thanks for my son’s circumstances last fall. God didn’t leave me though. Instead, he carried out his plan and he taught me to trust. Building trust is key. I think back to that comment by Job- my eyes now see what my ears have heard. I believed certain things about God but do I really live it out? Do I look for God to lead me through it. The truth is that often I do not. I focus on my power and the darkness rather than His Power and the light. But, God has never lost focus on me. He is teaching and I am learning- learning to trust him with my life and with my children’s.

I can see the same with my son. Through the relapses, God never let go of him. And, each relapse has taught him more about what it takes for his recovery. His faith and his reliance on God’s Power are building. He practices gratitude and so do I. Focusing on the light of God’s promises and his provision every day- I think that is how you learn to trust and to give thanks in all circumstances. I am sure that I have more learning to do in this area. And, I am certain that God will allow more adversity in my life to teach me. Today, I am truly thankful for how God is moving in my life and my son’s through these challenges. My heart is being transformed on this life journey and God is in control even when I act like I am. And thankfully with God in control, anything is possible even giving thanks in ALL circumstances!

Still running!