I am sure some of you who know the story and clicked on this thinking, ”I had no idea that Sallie was divorced multiple times.” Yes, I have been divorced once but let me share just why I feel so personally connected to this story and specifically this woman. The Samaritan woman is carrying pots to get water from the well. The thing that makes her trip unusual and gives us some insight into her life is that she was carrying her heavy pots in the heat of the day. The custom of the times would have been for women to gather water either in the cool of the morning or the evening. Practically, it was a better time to do such hard work but was also time to gather together. Time to talk and laugh. But you see, this woman was an outcast. We find out later in the story that she was divorced 5 times and now living with a man. In those days, divorce was only initiated by men and was a public statement that this woman was unclean, unlovable, or lacking somehow as a wife. In that culture, the burden of the shame from not just one divorce but 5 is almost hard to imagine. If we are honest, we would still judge a woman harshly today who was divorced 5 times. This was also time when a woman would suffer greatly on her own. She would be fearful of starvation. Her life must have been full of heartache and desperation. The weight of that would be far heavier than carrying filled pots in the heat of the day.
Her situation touches me. Yes, I went through a difficult divorce. I felt ashamed and scared. But even before that, I carried the weight of feeling “not enough”, unloveable, unseen. I remember joking with my Mom when she had to introduce me to someone at church after we had been sitting on the front row of Sunday service my whole life. I played on the quote about Helen of Troy. I said to her, “I guess I’m the face that 1000 people forgot.” I often felt invisible. I can’t explain why I felt that way. I could not have had parents who expressed their love for me any more than mine did. I just think we are all left with a hole that is only truly filled when we understand what it means to be a child of God.
In this story. I can go there in my mind and walk alongside this woman and feel her pain. I don’t have to walk a hot path to get water to understand how she might have felt. I dealt with pain in the quiet away from others. I would get in the privacy of my car and just drive and cry. I did that from the time I could drive at 16 into adulthood. I didn’t feel that I was enough. I felt alone and yet, I needed to hide that behind a facade of strength. Because I believed that I was not loveable, I know what it was like to avoid people or events. Certainly when I was separated or after the divorce. I hid both a lot of that feeling and from people. I tried to avoid gatherings. When my son’s struggles with addiction first came to light, I felt such fear and grief. I questioned my own parenting. I feared others’ judgement both for me and for my son. I know it was there. I avoided conversations about what the kids were up to. I kept it secret for a long time. But, I also know God was there walking that path with me. He was teaching me who he was and he used others to love me and walk alongside after I began to let the facade down.
You see I am the Woman at the Well. I have walked the path of struggle. I have tried to hide my brokenness or avoid judgement. I have suffered consequences of my own choices, been wounded by the choices of others and experienced the challenges that come with life this side of heaven. And just like that woman, I have been met by the God of Love. This story doesn’t end with the burden of the journey. Jews generally avoided Samaria. Jesus was going back to Galilea. In John it said, “he had to go through Samaria.” He was compelled. He had a divine appointment. As this woman approached, he engaged in conversation calling forth the reality of her situation- her divorces and also, her desire to be filled with life. For me, I hear him say in all that- I know you, I see you and I love you. He went on to reveal his true identity as the Messiah. For the first time, He publicly identies himself as the Christ. Imagine- he went there to touch her heart, reveal himself, show love and grace to this broken woman, a Samaritan outcast.
That so touches me. I know he is the Messiah. I accepted that as child. But, he keeps meeting me at the well, calling me further into relationship by revealing the depth of who he is. He sees me- wounds, burdens, and fears. He reminds me that “ It is I”. He loves me. I am his child just like this Samaritan woman.
The story is not over yet. As the disciples arrived, she left her jars and raced back to the very ones who shunned her, the place of her woundedness. She shared with the those who hurt her the news of Christ. That is a miracle in and of itself. But the miracle got bigger, the people of her community listened to her and ran to meet Jesus. They believed. God used the outcast to bring others into relationship with the God of Love. That is so remarkable. And, that is such hope to me.
People have often asked me what has driven me to be so open about my challenges, my weaknesses, my hurt. The truth is I am the Woman at the Well. I have suffered at times and have carried quite a burden. The facade that I designed might have been the biggest burden of all. Through my pain, God has met me right there. He has sent people to walk that path with me. He has opened my heart to others’ struggles. My hope is that he’ll use me like he did her. Just maybe, being open about my struggles will remind people that he is waiting at the well. The truth is he walks the path with us. I know there are probably those who question why I do this or even judge me for what I share. That is ok. At the end of the day, if there is one person hurting in the quiet of the car, behind a closed door, or on a lonely journey, it’s worth it to me. I want to grow into the person that doesn’t shy away from a woman with 5 divorces but engages in relationship. I want to be the person who doesn’t judge but reflects grace. I want to be the person who sees those who feel unseen and engages in kindness. I’ve been there on both sides. I felt it all. The judge and judged. The unloved and the loved. The unseen and the seen. And, I’ve been met at the wall.
So yes, I am the Woman at the Well. If you identify with the pain of walking your journey alone burdened under the weight of shame or fear, there are those of us who know that pain and can walk with you. We have been met at the well with love and grace. We are learning the freedom that comes from that. We can help carry the burden or lead you to the place where you can just leave it at the well. God uses the broken, the hurting, the outcasts to bring others into his love and the freedom that comes from that. No matter the past chapters, your story can be just as remarkable as hers.
You can be the Woman at the Well too!
(If you are unfamiliar with this story, it can be found in John, Chapter 4.)
