Path to 60- wow!!

8 years ago I started this blog to reflect on my journey as a mom with a child struggling from addiction. Over the course of a year, I wrote weekly and ran over a 1000 miles. I shared my thoughts about my steps forward. Well sometimes, the steps were side ways, backwards or holding in place as I attempted to accept the both-and of life. Being authentic about the struggle but open to the gifts that also come in the struggle. It  was a year of great growth and faith and healing. It was sacred. 

Our stories are scared. They teach us, evolve us and connect us! 

Life continues. My children grew up. Finally, a little patch of grey hair began to show. Clerks started ask me (quite rudely!) if I qualified for the senior discount. I began to hear responses at work that suggested I was not the future. My career runway had dimmed. For that matter, my hearing has dimmed too! I can sing all the lyrics to “The Night Chicago Died” from 1974 but somehow I can’t remember what I served for dinner 2 days ago. I still do 5 mile walks but I am mighty stiff when I wake up in the morning. The worst is I see a different person in the mirror than I see a photograph. Time has moved on. A new season is underway.

During Covid this feeling of being in transition was deep and unnerving. My roles were changing. My nest was empty. For awhile my future looked like something that was more about getting smaller. It was setting dreams aside. There were feelings of regret. But mostly fear and lack of purpose and value. I was no longer that sweet natured, cute Chi Omega with good grades who had the world ahead of her. I was scared and sad. My journey lost direction. 

Over the past few months, I have been searching for ways to see the light of opportunity that a new season brings. I really believe that God still has a purpose and all the experiences and relationships to this point have made me who I am today in preparation for who he intends me to be tomorrow. In my first post on this blog, I wrote the following…”Learning each day is a new day and a new chance to address obstacles differently and to persevere through mental, spiritual and physical challenges. A new chance to reframe my thinking adding to that a new chance to reframe my life.” That is exactly what I am trying to do. 

Here I am months before I turn 60. I actually can’t fathom that it could be true but my birth certificate says so! Two of my closest friends celebrated their 60th this fall. The High School class of ‘81 has officially started the 60th birthday gauntlet. That just puts a fine point to this sense of transition. Two college friends passed away this summer. Time is precious. I really do want to push through this transition and pursue the decade of 60s as a time full of purpose, growth and laughter. I want to make a difference in this life. I want to spend time with people I love. I want to laugh and dance and travel and write. I want to hold with reverence the journey that God has led me on and gratitude for the people he placed in my life. I want to be an encourager and share whatever wisdom I have gained along the way. And I want to lay down the burdens of fear that I have carried along the way and replace that with peace and faith. I want to do it all with grace, authenticity and humor. Time is precious and I want to live life fully and present.

Have you felt that in some way too? Would you join me as I process this path to 60? I am going to write from time to time. I will share my journey. I have already started a list of words to explore- acceptance, boundaries, dreams, possibilities. It’s a new chapter underway. The story is still sacred. So together, let’s learn, evolve and connect in the pursuit of God’s ultimate purpose for each of us. Time is precious. People are precious.  Our stories are precious. A sacred journey…

Two Become One

 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife and they shall become one.” Genesis 2:24

On Saturday, almost a year exactly to the date they got engaged, my precious son, Tyler, vowed to become one with the love of his life, Caroline. It was a joyous and magical weekend. We have loved Caroline since the very beginning. She is an answer to my prayers for My son. They were a picture of joy and happiness. They were both surrounded in love and a visual expression of love. 

But now, vows have been said, rings exchanged, dancing has finished, friends and family have gone home and my children have set out on their new journey as husband and wife. Two families have a new connection and two precious people have become one in the eyes of God. And in a new way, my role as a mother changes. My heart opens up to a new daughter but my support role as a mom does begin to look different. They become the circle of love to each other. I now sit close but on the outside ready to support, encourage and reinforce their spirit bond. I didn’t think much about that as we prepared.

Now, I expected the need to rest after the wedding festivities. I even kept my beach rental for another week for that very reason. We had been working on this weekend on and off for a year. It never occurred to me that I might feel so emotional days afterwards. This was my first child to marry. But, I really didn’t expect to be flooded by emotion two and three days later. Everyone had left to go home. So, I got up early to the walk the beach that I love.  Here I was by myself, left with my own thoughts.

As I watched the waves roll in and out, I suddenly was overcome with emotion. Tears really caught me off guard. I felt both gratitude and yet this sense of letting go. I spent the better part of the year planning with them. It was perfect and now it’s over. Maybe it’s like the feeling after all the presents are open on Christmas Day. The let down that comes after the build-up. Or maybe and more likely, it’s just the change. The change in relationships, the change in focus, the change in life. 

Yes, life is full of changes. It is a journey that God lives in and through us. I am so happy that Tyler and Caroline found each other. And even happier that they had found their faith long before. They enter this journey with a strong foundation. That gives me peace and joy. It is like the picture of the ocean. Life’s waves come in and out and swirl at our feet. Sometimes it’s gentle and relaxing and sometimes with a force that can make us a bit unsteady. But at the horizon, you see calm. That is what faith brings. They have that horizon- their foundation.

So, as life’s waves roll out, more come in. What does God have in store not only for them but for this mother? Those are my thoughts starting first with gratitude about what was and is; and, then with anticipation of what will be. 

Sitting by myself at the water’s edge, I wipe my tears.  I slow my breathing, close me eyes, listen to the sounds of the ocean and pray. Not so much with words but more of an attitude of oneness. Worship, really. You see as the emotion subsided, it was replaced with calm.

 I was reminded that while marriage is a symbol of oneness, faith starts with first becoming individually one with the Spirit of God. That’s my spiritual horizon. My center of calm and peace. This was already a season of transition for me. This wedding was another reminder that our stories continue. They ebb and they flow. There is beauty to be found in memories of the past and certainly in anticipation of the future. But in the present, as a child of God, we are never alone. God’s gifts may be understood through the past; but, they are experienced in the present. 

 In faith, two become one. When waves roll in and out, just look to the horizon. There you will find peace, love and gratitude for all that life brings. You are reminded that God moves in and through you. Your story is revealed and is sacred. 

The waves become the rhythm that reminds us of that very thing. We are a part of a much bigger story. It is told in both the waves and the horizon. They are a part of the same creation. God’s creation. Two become one…

For that I am grateful.