I have always loved a change in seasons. I am usually surprised how quickly the time passes but happy for the new opportunities or changes that each new season brings. And in terms of life, I used to say as the children grew up that I loved every phase. Even things like tantrums at 3 were just a phase and would pass quickly. They would learn to do and be something new shortly. Well, that is easy to say when they are little but harder as they get older. Time does pass quickly and new seasons bring joy and can also bring sadness. This has been one of those milestone weeks for both my middle son and for me as he prepares to leave for school. We attended his college orientation. The specific purpose was to provide information about the school, resources and get students registered for class. The bigger purpose, however, was the successful transition of the student. They reinforced a change in mindset that includes the following success factors: Approach college like a job, Go to class, Embrace the curriculum, Spend 3 hours a week for every hour spent in class, Understand expectations and set high personal goals, Learn to think and ask a lot of questions, Get connected, and Use your resources. They also reinforced that the specific knowledge gained and grades was not the most important learning that occurs during this time. It is the approach to thinking, learning about your personal passions and strengths through a variety of experiences, and learning to live on your own and work with others that makes for a successful adult.
Another area noted over and over is the significant role that a parent plays in the transition. They talked a lot about moving from an orchestrator to a coach. I know at a different school session that we sat through when we were visiting campuses; they really encouraged parents to begin that process during your child’s senior year. Two big areas they pushed were turning laundry over to your kids (which kids weren’t thrilled with) and eliminate curfews (which the parents weren’t thrilled with).Our generation of parents have been very involved perhaps to the detriment of our kids. We have scheduled, cajoled, and intervened in such a way that many of our kids regardless of their grades and activities are not equipped to manage on their own. A few years ago, I heard a long time educator from a well-respected private college talk about the shift she had seen in her incoming students. She said they would get their syllabus and call her asking a million questions about the deliverables and then wonder how they could possibly manage that. They would become overly stressed. She even had parents call and ask questions about that very document or ask to come and sit with the professor and the student. She said although kids coming in are among the brightest, they are often expecting to be spoon fed, needing a lot of structure provided for them, and haven’t had to work through their own challenges which makes college a very difficult transition.
The reality is that in part, in order for our child to grow into a competent, confident, and successful adult rather than a fearful, insecure or entitled adult, parents must deal with their own transition. So, what does it mean to transition? As I think about that, here is where my heart is leading and teaching me. My intent has always been to protect and support my children. If I am truthful though, it has been during the struggles that I personally learned the most and have grown as a person. Certainly, my parents’ character and teachings have assisted in the process. But it has really been my faith and struggling through the circumstance that allowed me to apply what they had taught me. So, when we do not let our children struggle, they don’t get the opportunity to apply or the confidence that comes from managing through a challenge personally and the increased faith that can result. It is hard to acknowledge that our loving intent can have a detrimental impact to our kids. I need to remember to think about the impact as I learn to engage differently as a coach with my son.
As a coach, we need to shift more as an advisor. That doesn’t mean that we no longer have expectations of our children. Communicate early what those expectations are as it relates to classwork, other activities, finances and areas of ongoing communication. But, we need to be careful not to have expectations that prevent the child from living out their life’s path and forces them into our version of how their adult life should go. They were created uniquely for their time on this earth. They should be encouraged to explore that so we must be open to their perspective on what they want to get out of their time in college. We should understand the resources that are available to our child and encourage them to leverage those resources. Help them deal with challenges through exploring ways to move through it. Be careful, not to jump to solution. It is theirs to solve with our support. I personally know how hard that can be to do…
Whether it is your first child or last child, your life changes as your role changes. Many of us define ourselves by our role as a parent. It is not all that we are though. It can be incredibly sad as that phase of our lives draws to a close. I have really had moments of sadness in the last week. As I filmed the last relay event of our summer swim championships yesterday, I cheered as my son's team took first place and then the tears flowed. I looked over at my friend whose son has been one of my son’s best buddies and has been on this relay team since they were 7. We are sad that this part of our lives with them is over. But, life is about seasons and this opens up to new opportunities. Time to explore other areas of interest or passion is often difficult to come by when you are raising children. But as they move on, we can focus on ourselves, building other relationships and finding other meaningful ways to contribute in this world. God’s plan for us is not done. We have a new season to experience. And, that does provide hope to me.
Lastly, I continue to focus on building my faith and trust that God is and will be with my son on that college campus. He has a plan for my son and is working it through despite future challenges and imperfect choices. This is an easy one for my head and a tough one for my heart. I sent another son off to college not so long ago with great joy and expectations. It ended up differently that I had hoped for. And yet, he is on a path and I know that God is with him. I have to hang on to that hope that God is leading my children even when they are not aware. He is moving towards all that he has promised for his children. I read a verse today that I will repeat often in the future found in Deuteronomy. The background is that God chose Joshua to lead the Israelites into the Promised Land after Moses. There were challenges and enemies before them. In Dt 31:6, Moses spoke to the people and Joshua saying “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you or forsake you.”
I realize that as I write this, these same learnings- actions can have loving intent but be detrimental, my life will change as my role changes, and I must build my faith and trust in order to actually shift how I demonstrate love for my child- actually perfectly apply to my experience with my older son’s addiction and recovery. I had a professional once say to me that "I was loving my child to death". The longer I do not hold him accountable and financially support him, the longer it will take for him to engage successfully in his own recovery. And, an addict does not always have time. I finally could not bear the possibility that my providing money was harming my child and could fund an overdose. And my managing the solution to a problem sent a message to him that he was not capable and reinforced the feelings of shame and inadequacies that already existed. He could still overdose but I would not be a part of it any longer. It ripped my heart out to see him struggle. And yet, 7 months later, he is making real progress on his own with me as a coach and supporter but not an orchestrator.
Also, as my role changed, so my life changed as well. I have been able through Alanon, this blog and other things to grow and add different activities, people and richness to my life. And lastly, it has absolutely been building my faith and trust. In the end, it is the only thing that provides peace for a mother of a child that struggles with addiction even when they are in recovery. My son and I are both growing in this new season of life.
So, my prayer today for all those parents, struggling adult children, or kids starting a new phase in life is “May you be strong and courageous and without fear, for the Lord goes before you and with you and never forsakes you as he leads you to your Promised Land and all that he has planned for you in this season.”
Today, I run in honor of my son's new season of life and mine….
Sunday, June 29, 2014
Sunday, June 22, 2014
Thank God! His ways are higher...
This has been a week of real contemplation for me. I have been doing Alanon step work focused on Step Three which specifically addresses deciding to turn my will and my life over to God. As a Christian, this seemed like an easy step to me when I originally read it. I guess it seemed straightforward because I turned my life over to God a long time ago. The reality is that I often still live my life like it is contingent on others rather than God. And, it is my will that really gets me in trouble. God has opened my eyes to this and taught me this week through my own struggles as well as others dealing with difficult circumstances.
At an Alanon meeting on Monday as we shared different things that we had going on, I told the group about a meltdown that I had over the weekend. I felt as though my kids did not appreciate anything I did. I raced home from work to get a dinner on the table only to find out later that everyone had made plans elsewhere for the second time that week. I asked for some chores to be done which had not been completed. Lastly, I had hoped for some time with the kids but they wanted to stay at their Dad’s over the weekend. Now much of this is very familiar to other parents of teenagers. But somehow, this time I read their behavior as a message that they don’t really love me or as much as others. And, they don’t really appreciate how hard I work to provide in every way for them. Lastly, they don’t even like me and won’t be here later in life…A little extreme, don’t you think? I took a little trip to “Crazy Town” and assumed the role of martyr with a capital M. I let them know just how hurt I was. They were completely caught off guard with the level of emotion that was then heaped on them. I clearly had projected the motivations of their heart, was frustrated by their plans, and expected their love to be demonstrated in the way that I wanted it to be and when I needed it. Lastly, I knew I should pray first and wait for a moment before reacting out of emotion, but thought I could handle it on my own. I was wrong. My timing, my strength, and my way equaled my will. This way of approaching life translated into hurt for both me and my kids.
I was still feeling unloved on Monday as I told that story even though I knew I had overreacted. My sponsor pulled me aside after the meeting. Knowing that I was working on Step Three, she suggested that I needed to think about who I had decided to turn my will or my life over to in this scenario. I bristled initially a little at her comment. Surely, she was not going to accuse me of turning my will over to my children. I had not given away my will. It was alive and well. I had however, given my life over in a way to my kids. Regardless, I was not focused on God in the midst. The reality is that I can lose my focus, my peace, and my joy when my plan is not met by others and my will is thwarted… As I paid attention to that this week, I see how often that really occurs. I have prayed that God would show me my shortcomings of the heart and provide encouragement to really “let go and let God”.
And, God has done just that. He has shown up in various ways all week creating awareness and teaching me through others. In order to even begin to trust God enough to turn over my life and will, I must accept and see his love for me. He started with a small child that Monday night. When my sponsor stopped to talk to me about the story that I had shared, the 3-year old grandchild of my friend looked over at me. She was precious and had crawled up between her grandmother and me on the coach during our meeting. I waved my fingers by my side to give a little hello but turned my attention to the conversation. The next thing I know, she came and put her little hand in mine. She held my hand until my sponsor finished talking to me and then quietly ran off. She doesn’t know me. This seems like a small thing but that little loving hand was just enough to allow me to let down my defenses and hear what my sponsor was saying. I felt God’s love through the hand of that child.
So, I wanted to share a few things that I have learned this week about shifting from my strength, my timing, and my way to God’s strength, His timing, and His way. I will start with My Strength. If I am truthful, I tend to operate in a mode of self-reliance more often than a conscious state of reliance on God. This was a tough week. I started the week in a very emotional spot. There was also a lot going on at work and at home. I had activities every night and was struggling to sleep. And, I was really struggling with worries. On Wednesday, I physically gave out and left work mid-afternoon. But, I was reminded of a gift that I had been given the day before when reading the words a dear friend struggling with cancer had shared. She, too, was weary physically and emotionally as she battled her circumstances. Her sweet daughter sent a note one morning that shared Isaiah 40:31, “But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.” Then her sweet daughter said, “be an eagle today Mama”. It was a beautiful reminder that my strength is limited and not equipped to handle the circumstances of this world. But, my God’s is. Trusting in him and relying on his strength, we can all be eagles. We can walk, run, and soar no matter our circumstances. So, I pray for His Strength today.
My Timing- the hardest thing for me is to wait almost for anything. I want to know when, where and how something will be delivered as if the world revolves around me. It is clearly a control thing for me. I plan and hope things will occur in my timing and I worry until it resolves itself. I recognize this about myself. As I pray, I try to address this need for control with God and the corresponding worry. But I am continually challenged to trust that God is working in my life and the lives of my children especially when there is a need and God seems quiet. I really want to trust as I wait but often I still worry. This week, words from a man struggling with the waiting associated with cancer- waiting for test results, a treatment plan, and then waiting for results again- were taking its toll. But he heard a sermon about looking at life through segments of love-chances to love and be loved. So, rather than waiting for something to happen out in the future, be present and love your way through the waiting. Focusing on love will focus you on remaining in God as God is love. As we remain in God, we build trust in him to grace us in his timing. Isaiah 30:18, “Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!” So today, I thank God for his timing.
The final question that I struggled with is do I really trust God with the outcome? Can I put aside MY Plan and trust his way, His Plan. My head knows that God has it all. He created it and he is in control no matter what our circumstances are. Our God is bigger than any problem or circumstance. On this earth, we are often faced with problems that are bigger than we are. Dealing with addiction, is one of those problems. We try to help, support, discipline, cajole, or shame our loved ones into sobriety. It never works that way. I know for me that I really had to work at trusting God’s plan for my son. I wanted to take control and fix it. My plan didn’t work though. So, I learned that I had to accept the pervasiveness of the disease and turn it over to God. If your will and your life are focused on the disease, it is not possible to find your peace and joy. That comes from God so our focus must first be on God. This applies to other challenges as well like work issues, financial issues, and relationship issues. When our focus is externally driven on situations or people in our lives, our emotions can tend to rise and fall as things go. We have turned our lives over to our circumstances. There are times when my heart takes over and I want a certain outcome. But real peace and joy available through God is not dependent on our external circumstances or our plan. When things are particularly hard and we do not understand why, faith allows us to trust God that he is in control no matter what it looks like. So, I go back to this verse. Isaiah 55:8,9 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are my ways your ways, said the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.” Finally today, I praise God for HIS Perfect Plan.
I am hanging on to this very thought as we try to understand the unexpected death of a family friend yesterday. She was a mother to teenagers still at home and never woke up from an afternoon nap. How do you make sense of that? You can’t based on our limited understanding, I don’t understand the timing, I can’t fix the hurt for this family, and I can’t really understand while God called her home so young. But I have to trust that His timing is perfect, His strength is enough to give the family what they need to endure this loss, and that His plan is still working everything to the good in their lives even death. That is not an outcome that I would have ever chosen. But, I trust that no matter what God is in control. That is the hope of my faith. Because of that hope, I don’t have to understand but can rely on him. He has it!! Thankfully, today I live with the hope that I can turn my life and will over to God. He is trustworthy, all-powerful, and all-loving.
And so, although I run with a heavy heart this evening, I also run with hope!
At an Alanon meeting on Monday as we shared different things that we had going on, I told the group about a meltdown that I had over the weekend. I felt as though my kids did not appreciate anything I did. I raced home from work to get a dinner on the table only to find out later that everyone had made plans elsewhere for the second time that week. I asked for some chores to be done which had not been completed. Lastly, I had hoped for some time with the kids but they wanted to stay at their Dad’s over the weekend. Now much of this is very familiar to other parents of teenagers. But somehow, this time I read their behavior as a message that they don’t really love me or as much as others. And, they don’t really appreciate how hard I work to provide in every way for them. Lastly, they don’t even like me and won’t be here later in life…A little extreme, don’t you think? I took a little trip to “Crazy Town” and assumed the role of martyr with a capital M. I let them know just how hurt I was. They were completely caught off guard with the level of emotion that was then heaped on them. I clearly had projected the motivations of their heart, was frustrated by their plans, and expected their love to be demonstrated in the way that I wanted it to be and when I needed it. Lastly, I knew I should pray first and wait for a moment before reacting out of emotion, but thought I could handle it on my own. I was wrong. My timing, my strength, and my way equaled my will. This way of approaching life translated into hurt for both me and my kids.
I was still feeling unloved on Monday as I told that story even though I knew I had overreacted. My sponsor pulled me aside after the meeting. Knowing that I was working on Step Three, she suggested that I needed to think about who I had decided to turn my will or my life over to in this scenario. I bristled initially a little at her comment. Surely, she was not going to accuse me of turning my will over to my children. I had not given away my will. It was alive and well. I had however, given my life over in a way to my kids. Regardless, I was not focused on God in the midst. The reality is that I can lose my focus, my peace, and my joy when my plan is not met by others and my will is thwarted… As I paid attention to that this week, I see how often that really occurs. I have prayed that God would show me my shortcomings of the heart and provide encouragement to really “let go and let God”.
And, God has done just that. He has shown up in various ways all week creating awareness and teaching me through others. In order to even begin to trust God enough to turn over my life and will, I must accept and see his love for me. He started with a small child that Monday night. When my sponsor stopped to talk to me about the story that I had shared, the 3-year old grandchild of my friend looked over at me. She was precious and had crawled up between her grandmother and me on the coach during our meeting. I waved my fingers by my side to give a little hello but turned my attention to the conversation. The next thing I know, she came and put her little hand in mine. She held my hand until my sponsor finished talking to me and then quietly ran off. She doesn’t know me. This seems like a small thing but that little loving hand was just enough to allow me to let down my defenses and hear what my sponsor was saying. I felt God’s love through the hand of that child.
So, I wanted to share a few things that I have learned this week about shifting from my strength, my timing, and my way to God’s strength, His timing, and His way. I will start with My Strength. If I am truthful, I tend to operate in a mode of self-reliance more often than a conscious state of reliance on God. This was a tough week. I started the week in a very emotional spot. There was also a lot going on at work and at home. I had activities every night and was struggling to sleep. And, I was really struggling with worries. On Wednesday, I physically gave out and left work mid-afternoon. But, I was reminded of a gift that I had been given the day before when reading the words a dear friend struggling with cancer had shared. She, too, was weary physically and emotionally as she battled her circumstances. Her sweet daughter sent a note one morning that shared Isaiah 40:31, “But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.” Then her sweet daughter said, “be an eagle today Mama”. It was a beautiful reminder that my strength is limited and not equipped to handle the circumstances of this world. But, my God’s is. Trusting in him and relying on his strength, we can all be eagles. We can walk, run, and soar no matter our circumstances. So, I pray for His Strength today.
My Timing- the hardest thing for me is to wait almost for anything. I want to know when, where and how something will be delivered as if the world revolves around me. It is clearly a control thing for me. I plan and hope things will occur in my timing and I worry until it resolves itself. I recognize this about myself. As I pray, I try to address this need for control with God and the corresponding worry. But I am continually challenged to trust that God is working in my life and the lives of my children especially when there is a need and God seems quiet. I really want to trust as I wait but often I still worry. This week, words from a man struggling with the waiting associated with cancer- waiting for test results, a treatment plan, and then waiting for results again- were taking its toll. But he heard a sermon about looking at life through segments of love-chances to love and be loved. So, rather than waiting for something to happen out in the future, be present and love your way through the waiting. Focusing on love will focus you on remaining in God as God is love. As we remain in God, we build trust in him to grace us in his timing. Isaiah 30:18, “Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!” So today, I thank God for his timing.
The final question that I struggled with is do I really trust God with the outcome? Can I put aside MY Plan and trust his way, His Plan. My head knows that God has it all. He created it and he is in control no matter what our circumstances are. Our God is bigger than any problem or circumstance. On this earth, we are often faced with problems that are bigger than we are. Dealing with addiction, is one of those problems. We try to help, support, discipline, cajole, or shame our loved ones into sobriety. It never works that way. I know for me that I really had to work at trusting God’s plan for my son. I wanted to take control and fix it. My plan didn’t work though. So, I learned that I had to accept the pervasiveness of the disease and turn it over to God. If your will and your life are focused on the disease, it is not possible to find your peace and joy. That comes from God so our focus must first be on God. This applies to other challenges as well like work issues, financial issues, and relationship issues. When our focus is externally driven on situations or people in our lives, our emotions can tend to rise and fall as things go. We have turned our lives over to our circumstances. There are times when my heart takes over and I want a certain outcome. But real peace and joy available through God is not dependent on our external circumstances or our plan. When things are particularly hard and we do not understand why, faith allows us to trust God that he is in control no matter what it looks like. So, I go back to this verse. Isaiah 55:8,9 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are my ways your ways, said the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.” Finally today, I praise God for HIS Perfect Plan.
I am hanging on to this very thought as we try to understand the unexpected death of a family friend yesterday. She was a mother to teenagers still at home and never woke up from an afternoon nap. How do you make sense of that? You can’t based on our limited understanding, I don’t understand the timing, I can’t fix the hurt for this family, and I can’t really understand while God called her home so young. But I have to trust that His timing is perfect, His strength is enough to give the family what they need to endure this loss, and that His plan is still working everything to the good in their lives even death. That is not an outcome that I would have ever chosen. But, I trust that no matter what God is in control. That is the hope of my faith. Because of that hope, I don’t have to understand but can rely on him. He has it!! Thankfully, today I live with the hope that I can turn my life and will over to God. He is trustworthy, all-powerful, and all-loving.
And so, although I run with a heavy heart this evening, I also run with hope!
Sunday, June 15, 2014
Be still and listen
Be still and know that I am God…
The concept of being still and listening for God in the midst of our daily lives has been the topic that grabbed my attention this week. I was blessed the earlier part of the week to spend a few days with my girlfriends at the beach. For those of you who love the beach, close your eyes and I am sure you can hear the sounds of the waves coming in and out and the sounds of the seagulls. If you focus on listening to those sounds, I promise that you will slow your breathing and you will begin to hear even more… It is the place that I feel the closest to God.
The other blessing was stepping out of our day-to-day lives and responsibilities and just taking time to be together and to talk and laugh. As with old friends, our conversation ebbed and flowed. It moved from stories of our teenage years, to our children, to our challenges and concerns, and then back to old stories, again. A lot of shared life from our past was remembered. And, a lot of life that needed to shared even since last year’s beach trip was discussed. Even in the course of a year, life had brought many blessings and many challenges into the lives of these special women. We were still and we really listened.
I also ran across a blog entry from an old friend, JB, that touched my heart about listening to your life. It started with a quote from Frederick Buechner’s “Listening to your Life”. The excerpt was “Listen to your life. See ii for the fathomless mystery that it is. In the boredom and pain of it no less than in the excitement and gladness; touch, taste, smell, your way to the holy and hidden heart of it because in the last analysis all moments are key moments, and life itself is grace.” I acknowledge how easy it is for me to move along the surface, categorize circumstances as positive or negative, just focus on taking the next step or getting to some point on the calendar, and miss the depth of life all around me. I know that I don’t spend enough time living life in the realization of life as a mystery unfolding that God set in motion. Or, that all in life is an expression of grace.
So, I have stopped this week and intentionally took some moments to be still and listen. When I usually walk out on my deck, my first reaction is to look at the flower pots, see the watering and cleaning that needs to be done, and then glance out to the lake and enjoy the view for a minute and on to the next thing. I see the surface. This morning I decided to say my prayers out on the deck. I first closed my eyes and just listened. The quieter I got, the more I heard the individual voices in nature’s chorus. I could hear different songbirds, the buzz of different insects, the croak of the frogs, the birds landing on the water- God’s natural creation living together. And, I felt peace. It is amazing how God weaved together all this creation to sustain this world for his supreme creation, his children. It is such a picture of his love, creativity, and his grace.
When life feels out of control or God feels distant, take a minute to be still and listen to God’s natural creation. You will experience God…
As I had the opportunity to listen to the stories of my friends this week at the beach, I had the time to engage at a deeper level. To listen for the unsaid things. To listen for ways to reflect love back to them. I am trying to continue that awareness as I have returned back to life at work, at home, at swim meets, and so on…What I am seeing is that when you are listening, it opens your perspective and provides you the possibility to engage more deeply with those whom God has placed in your life. You can better hear their struggles and provide support or encouragement. You can hear what bouys their spirit and celebrate that. You can understand better what may drive behavior and be less critical or take responses less personally. That ability allows you to engage in a healthier relationship. In the end, you can better see people as God’s creation and ways to be God’s hands and feet to them and in this world.
So, even when you are busy, take a minute to be still and listen to God’s children. You will experience God and be able to reflect his love to others…
Lastly, God does speak to us. He speaks to us through nature, his children, his Word and his Spirit. We are his children and he is our Father. It is a personal relationship and a journey. And I believe that the more you listen, the more you see Him, the more peace you have and the more confidence to live your life. When I decided to write this blog, my prayer was that it would be helpful to others and glorifying to God. I do try to listen to what the Spirit is telling me. I do that better some weeks than others. This week after reading that blog I mentioned earlier and focusing on listening, I wrote some thoughts down yesterday but did not write the blog. I felt that I was not quite ready to write. This morning I decided that I would read my devotion, pray, and be still first before beginning to write. And God definitely spoke encouragement. My devotion was actually about stillness! I then prayed on my deck in the stillness. His nature made His presence palpable to me.
Finally, when you are caught up in the visible aspects of life, take a minute to be still and listen to God. You will experience God and rest in peace by focusing on the things that are unseen…
Recently, I talked to a mother who is in the really raw stage of dealing with her child’s addiction. Her pain brought tears to my eyes as I remember that pain so well. I was there not so long ago. Your world gets fixated on your child’s disease and the fear of the implications of that disease. Your world can get really small and dark. I can’t help but wonder if I had practiced being still and listening more that I would have been able to support my son earlier from a place of peace and not of fear. I have learned to do that more now. A family member of an addict especially a parent wants to “fix it”. But, what I am learning is that I cannot “fix it” but I can support it and be God’s hands if my eyes are focused on God rather than the disease. So, I will continue to be intentional about remembering his words to “Be still and know that I am God.” He is God. He created our loved ones. He loves them and walks their path right by their side. And focusing on that unseen but real love of God can bring peace.
I can’t finish without being thankful that many of us have had the great blessing to learn about the character of God the Father through our earthly father’s love.
So today, I run yearning to listen more and experience God the Father and in gratitude for my sweet father who has taught me much about love!
The concept of being still and listening for God in the midst of our daily lives has been the topic that grabbed my attention this week. I was blessed the earlier part of the week to spend a few days with my girlfriends at the beach. For those of you who love the beach, close your eyes and I am sure you can hear the sounds of the waves coming in and out and the sounds of the seagulls. If you focus on listening to those sounds, I promise that you will slow your breathing and you will begin to hear even more… It is the place that I feel the closest to God.
The other blessing was stepping out of our day-to-day lives and responsibilities and just taking time to be together and to talk and laugh. As with old friends, our conversation ebbed and flowed. It moved from stories of our teenage years, to our children, to our challenges and concerns, and then back to old stories, again. A lot of shared life from our past was remembered. And, a lot of life that needed to shared even since last year’s beach trip was discussed. Even in the course of a year, life had brought many blessings and many challenges into the lives of these special women. We were still and we really listened.
I also ran across a blog entry from an old friend, JB, that touched my heart about listening to your life. It started with a quote from Frederick Buechner’s “Listening to your Life”. The excerpt was “Listen to your life. See ii for the fathomless mystery that it is. In the boredom and pain of it no less than in the excitement and gladness; touch, taste, smell, your way to the holy and hidden heart of it because in the last analysis all moments are key moments, and life itself is grace.” I acknowledge how easy it is for me to move along the surface, categorize circumstances as positive or negative, just focus on taking the next step or getting to some point on the calendar, and miss the depth of life all around me. I know that I don’t spend enough time living life in the realization of life as a mystery unfolding that God set in motion. Or, that all in life is an expression of grace.
So, I have stopped this week and intentionally took some moments to be still and listen. When I usually walk out on my deck, my first reaction is to look at the flower pots, see the watering and cleaning that needs to be done, and then glance out to the lake and enjoy the view for a minute and on to the next thing. I see the surface. This morning I decided to say my prayers out on the deck. I first closed my eyes and just listened. The quieter I got, the more I heard the individual voices in nature’s chorus. I could hear different songbirds, the buzz of different insects, the croak of the frogs, the birds landing on the water- God’s natural creation living together. And, I felt peace. It is amazing how God weaved together all this creation to sustain this world for his supreme creation, his children. It is such a picture of his love, creativity, and his grace.
When life feels out of control or God feels distant, take a minute to be still and listen to God’s natural creation. You will experience God…
As I had the opportunity to listen to the stories of my friends this week at the beach, I had the time to engage at a deeper level. To listen for the unsaid things. To listen for ways to reflect love back to them. I am trying to continue that awareness as I have returned back to life at work, at home, at swim meets, and so on…What I am seeing is that when you are listening, it opens your perspective and provides you the possibility to engage more deeply with those whom God has placed in your life. You can better hear their struggles and provide support or encouragement. You can hear what bouys their spirit and celebrate that. You can understand better what may drive behavior and be less critical or take responses less personally. That ability allows you to engage in a healthier relationship. In the end, you can better see people as God’s creation and ways to be God’s hands and feet to them and in this world.
So, even when you are busy, take a minute to be still and listen to God’s children. You will experience God and be able to reflect his love to others…
Lastly, God does speak to us. He speaks to us through nature, his children, his Word and his Spirit. We are his children and he is our Father. It is a personal relationship and a journey. And I believe that the more you listen, the more you see Him, the more peace you have and the more confidence to live your life. When I decided to write this blog, my prayer was that it would be helpful to others and glorifying to God. I do try to listen to what the Spirit is telling me. I do that better some weeks than others. This week after reading that blog I mentioned earlier and focusing on listening, I wrote some thoughts down yesterday but did not write the blog. I felt that I was not quite ready to write. This morning I decided that I would read my devotion, pray, and be still first before beginning to write. And God definitely spoke encouragement. My devotion was actually about stillness! I then prayed on my deck in the stillness. His nature made His presence palpable to me.
Finally, when you are caught up in the visible aspects of life, take a minute to be still and listen to God. You will experience God and rest in peace by focusing on the things that are unseen…
Recently, I talked to a mother who is in the really raw stage of dealing with her child’s addiction. Her pain brought tears to my eyes as I remember that pain so well. I was there not so long ago. Your world gets fixated on your child’s disease and the fear of the implications of that disease. Your world can get really small and dark. I can’t help but wonder if I had practiced being still and listening more that I would have been able to support my son earlier from a place of peace and not of fear. I have learned to do that more now. A family member of an addict especially a parent wants to “fix it”. But, what I am learning is that I cannot “fix it” but I can support it and be God’s hands if my eyes are focused on God rather than the disease. So, I will continue to be intentional about remembering his words to “Be still and know that I am God.” He is God. He created our loved ones. He loves them and walks their path right by their side. And focusing on that unseen but real love of God can bring peace.
I can’t finish without being thankful that many of us have had the great blessing to learn about the character of God the Father through our earthly father’s love.
So today, I run yearning to listen more and experience God the Father and in gratitude for my sweet father who has taught me much about love!
Sunday, June 1, 2014
There is hope in the journey!
This week the great poet, Maya Angelou, passed away. And, as I was looking at some of her famous writings, this quote struck me in particular. “You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.” Our journeys can be hard and our stories difficult but we can choose how they are incorporated into our future. You see, it is not the external that defines us but the internal Spirit that weaves our circumstances and choices into a rich tapestry allowing us to learn compassion, love for others, love for ourselves, and faith in God. In Romans 8, we are promised that in trouble, hardship, and danger, we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. There is always hope in our journey!
I had the blessing this week of seeing evidence of God’s redemption in my family. This was my younger son’s graduation weekend and the extended family came together to celebrate the end of one era and the beginning of the next. And as we sat together at the table in a restaurant after a graduation, I looked around and just took in different cameos of our lives. My oldest was there with us as a part of the family, laughing, and looking very healthy and happy. I see physical and emotional healing… My ex-husband, his wife, and daughter were sitting next to my younger son and interacting as one large family with all of the extended family. I see relational healing… My parents were there and my Dad is gaining strength after his cancer surgery a month ago- more healing… And my youngest son sitting next to his sweet girlfriend and excited about his next phase after a year of transformation in his faith- pure redemptive healing. And as I looked at each of one around the table, my heart swelled with joy and hope. Believe me there was pain in the journey that got us to this point. Yes, we could have been reduced by the journey but we were not. We continue to be redeemed, healed and enriched. There is hope when the MESS from the pain of life becomes the MESSAGE of the hope of life!
So, with hope, my faith builds. And, I trust that God has each of us in his hands. I trust that his plan for us is underway and always has been. I trust that he will be our strength with each step on our journey. And, I trust that it has been perfectly laid out. This was reinforced in a precious discussion with my oldest last night. It had been at least a year and a half since he was at home over night and we could sit on our couch and just talk. And, we did just that. I will treasure that time. We talked through some old things but mostly what he has been learning as he continues his journey. In the past 6 months, not only has he been working his AA program, we included some additional therapy to hopefully address some other issues like anxiety and past hurts. He has found it very helpful and important to his personal growth and ability to move on with life. I made the comment that it was a shame that we did not do it earlier in his recovery process. His immediate reaction was that it was perfectly timed. He felt that he would not have been open or committed to it in the way that he is now earlier in the process. God perfectly placed that opportunity at the right place in his journey. My son is trusting God in the meaning of this journey and as Maya Angelou suggested is choosing not to be reduced by the difficulties of that journey. My son’s faith buoys mine!
So today, I know and I feel the hope in our journey. And, my hope is that anyone reading this today who is discouraged or fearful will see the hope in mine and choose to look for the hope in theirs and not be reduced by their circumstances. God is able to provide hope in any circumstance!
Today, I will definitely run with hope. And, as a celebration of younger son’s continued journey, I will leave you with my prayer for the graduate!
My Prayer for Tyler- Graduation Day
God bless my son, your precious one,
My gift, my heart, our lives soon to part.
His time to grow into a man;
His time to live out your plan.
My heart so full and yet it aches.
My heart leaps for joy and then it breaks.
Our time together is drawing to an end.
And into the world, we gratefully send
A special young man whom God specifically created
To live in this world and learn how to change it.
He taught me love and made me laugh.
His kind heart and warm embrace
Have graced my life and can never be replaced.
I’ve seen a boy turn into a man
With a love for God and a developing plan
To touch the hearts of even more
Through worship and love, he has much in store;
A life of richness and of joy.
A man, yes, but always my boy;
So, I’ll let him go and leave the nest
For I know for him, God holds the best.
A life planned forward just for him.
A life to love and give away
The goodness and soul of this precious child.
So, it is now his special day
To celebrate a life lived well with lots of friends and stories to tell.
But now a new season begins to unfold;
A life of stories yet to be told.
This mom stands proud watching him walk
Knowing that he still has much to be taught.
But now it’s time to trust the Lord
To walk his path and guide him forward.
For when he doesn’t have a clue,
Our God always knows just what to do.
And when he doesn’t feel quite able,
Our God’s strength will always make him capable.
For he was HIS first before he was mine.
Now I get to watch the plan of the Divine
Lived out in the life of my precious son.
I now cheer for his new life begun.
So, I send you off, Tyler, with all of my love.
You are my gift from our God above.
I will watch with great anticipation
As you move through life’s next station.
Learn a lot, take chances,
love well, have faith and be thankful.
And, my son, I will pray for you every day.
And, even though we are apart,
You will forever be my heart.
So, God bless my son, your precious one,
My gift, my heart, our lives soon to part.
His time to grow into a man;
His time to live out your plan.
And on my knees, today I give thanks
That I was the very one
Whom you chose to be his Mom.
Tyler, all my love on your graduation day!
I had the blessing this week of seeing evidence of God’s redemption in my family. This was my younger son’s graduation weekend and the extended family came together to celebrate the end of one era and the beginning of the next. And as we sat together at the table in a restaurant after a graduation, I looked around and just took in different cameos of our lives. My oldest was there with us as a part of the family, laughing, and looking very healthy and happy. I see physical and emotional healing… My ex-husband, his wife, and daughter were sitting next to my younger son and interacting as one large family with all of the extended family. I see relational healing… My parents were there and my Dad is gaining strength after his cancer surgery a month ago- more healing… And my youngest son sitting next to his sweet girlfriend and excited about his next phase after a year of transformation in his faith- pure redemptive healing. And as I looked at each of one around the table, my heart swelled with joy and hope. Believe me there was pain in the journey that got us to this point. Yes, we could have been reduced by the journey but we were not. We continue to be redeemed, healed and enriched. There is hope when the MESS from the pain of life becomes the MESSAGE of the hope of life!
So, with hope, my faith builds. And, I trust that God has each of us in his hands. I trust that his plan for us is underway and always has been. I trust that he will be our strength with each step on our journey. And, I trust that it has been perfectly laid out. This was reinforced in a precious discussion with my oldest last night. It had been at least a year and a half since he was at home over night and we could sit on our couch and just talk. And, we did just that. I will treasure that time. We talked through some old things but mostly what he has been learning as he continues his journey. In the past 6 months, not only has he been working his AA program, we included some additional therapy to hopefully address some other issues like anxiety and past hurts. He has found it very helpful and important to his personal growth and ability to move on with life. I made the comment that it was a shame that we did not do it earlier in his recovery process. His immediate reaction was that it was perfectly timed. He felt that he would not have been open or committed to it in the way that he is now earlier in the process. God perfectly placed that opportunity at the right place in his journey. My son is trusting God in the meaning of this journey and as Maya Angelou suggested is choosing not to be reduced by the difficulties of that journey. My son’s faith buoys mine!
So today, I know and I feel the hope in our journey. And, my hope is that anyone reading this today who is discouraged or fearful will see the hope in mine and choose to look for the hope in theirs and not be reduced by their circumstances. God is able to provide hope in any circumstance!
Today, I will definitely run with hope. And, as a celebration of younger son’s continued journey, I will leave you with my prayer for the graduate!
My Prayer for Tyler- Graduation Day
God bless my son, your precious one,
My gift, my heart, our lives soon to part.
His time to grow into a man;
His time to live out your plan.
My heart so full and yet it aches.
My heart leaps for joy and then it breaks.
Our time together is drawing to an end.
And into the world, we gratefully send
A special young man whom God specifically created
To live in this world and learn how to change it.
He taught me love and made me laugh.
His kind heart and warm embrace
Have graced my life and can never be replaced.
I’ve seen a boy turn into a man
With a love for God and a developing plan
To touch the hearts of even more
Through worship and love, he has much in store;
A life of richness and of joy.
A man, yes, but always my boy;
So, I’ll let him go and leave the nest
For I know for him, God holds the best.
A life planned forward just for him.
A life to love and give away
The goodness and soul of this precious child.
So, it is now his special day
To celebrate a life lived well with lots of friends and stories to tell.
But now a new season begins to unfold;
A life of stories yet to be told.
This mom stands proud watching him walk
Knowing that he still has much to be taught.
But now it’s time to trust the Lord
To walk his path and guide him forward.
For when he doesn’t have a clue,
Our God always knows just what to do.
And when he doesn’t feel quite able,
Our God’s strength will always make him capable.
For he was HIS first before he was mine.
Now I get to watch the plan of the Divine
Lived out in the life of my precious son.
I now cheer for his new life begun.
So, I send you off, Tyler, with all of my love.
You are my gift from our God above.
I will watch with great anticipation
As you move through life’s next station.
Learn a lot, take chances,
love well, have faith and be thankful.
And, my son, I will pray for you every day.
And, even though we are apart,
You will forever be my heart.
So, God bless my son, your precious one,
My gift, my heart, our lives soon to part.
His time to grow into a man;
His time to live out your plan.
And on my knees, today I give thanks
That I was the very one
Whom you chose to be his Mom.
Tyler, all my love on your graduation day!
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