Remember who made you!

I sent a quick text to a friend yesterday out of concern and frustration on a particular issue with one of my children. The message was “Once again, I feel ill-equipped to handle this…” This has been a phrase that I have repeated over the last few years as I have dealt with my son’s addiction. I have found myself in that frame of mind more so than the years before addiction. Even when my kids had their various health issues, I had a plan with the Doctor and we made steps towards health. Of course, my son’s treatment for his lung issues ended up being the catalyst for his battle with addiction. So, even there, my tidy plan of attack had unanticipated outcomes. I really wasn’t equipped to see what could come from his treatment plan.

Later yesterday afternoon, after doing a deep clean in my daughter’s room in preparation for her return from camp, I wanted her to feel welcomed home and to know how special she is. So, I put some fresh flowers and wrote a welcome home card. And in that card, I reinforced how much she was missed and what a special part of the family and as a person she is. Then I reminded her of the verses, Psalm 139: 13, 14, 16, “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well…All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”

I do remember those adolescent days when it is so easy to question how special you really are. For some reason, It seems to be easier to focus on areas that you believe you don’t measure up to like being funny enough, skinny enough, athletic enough, pretty enough, smart enough and on and on. I want my daughter and all of my children to know that their real value. That is their value as a child of God not based on some definition that the world around them reinforces. The world’s view is deceptive from retouched photos in magazines to promoting products that make your life easier or better to valuing personal happiness over and above other reflections of character or lessons. The world’s view says perfection is power and anything less is weak.

If that were truth, why do we feel more inspired when we hear stories of perseverance and how people managed through struggle than some story about someone who has achieved “success” without any significant obstacle to overcome? If our personal happiness is more important than an “other-oriented” sacrificial spirit, why does doing something for others so often give us more joy than the effort or money expended or even the impact to the person receiving? Why do those people who are transparent build trust and deeper relationships than those who tell you only what represents them in the best light? And lastly, why when we look back over a very difficult time, are we often more apt to say that we grew as a person more than the times when things came easily. The reality is the world’s view is deceptive and doesn’t really value things such as the importance of struggle in our development, grace and love that is expressed outward, the value of the whole person, and a faith in things unseen. It plants ideas in our heads that we often wrestle with internally. It focuses our thoughts on some set of deficits or weakness and can absolutely damage our emotional well-being. It is does not bring light into our lives. But, we were created in the image of God so truth, mercy, grace and sacrificial love resonate in our soul. That is why what the world reinforces can leave us empty while the antithesis can fill our spirits.

As a parent of a child struggling with addiction, it is hard to operate in this world especially early on. You walk up to conversation and parents love to tout all the really good stuff that is happening with their kids. If your child’s life has been active addiction, there is often not a lot of good stuff going on. Somehow, talking about angry communications of the disease or desperate acts like stealing money from people they love doesn’t flow well with descriptions of National Honor Society participation and making the Soccer Challenge Team. Those of you who are parents of struggling teenagers know exactly what I am talking about here. Those parents are worried about how much homework is being given in an AP class and the stress for their child. I was worried about whether my child would be arrested or even worse die from his disease. The disease is destructive not only to the addict but also those who love the addict. It can separate us from the world around us. I know I found that it was hard to go to church, school events, etc. I did my best to avoid questions or deflect an answer with some silly response like, “well, my son’s a little behind on his college schedule. You know sometimes boys take a little longer to come around…” And, often, I would do whatever I could to politely excuse myself from the situation. I got really good at it. It was hard. My heart was breaking and I felt guilt for my perceived inadequacies as a parent. Their child was thriving. Why not mine?

But, over the last three years, both my son and I have wrestled this in our individual recovery journeys. I have better learned to battle my fears and to understand that his life will be different than I pictured. But the real truth was that it never really was my life story to write. This is a story of God and my son, his child- “All his days were ordained before one of them came to be”. God’s will is better than one I could design anyway. His has an eternal and perfect view. I have to accept that and trust it. I also have to accept that truth for me as well. I have learned so much more about the disease and have such compassion for the struggle. I feel great love when I see my son’s strength as he deals with his life circumstances. And sometimes, it is actually in his weakness that I see his strength. The days when the gravity of his life weighs heavy and he still takes one more step forward. He stays sober one more day. I see courage as he allows me to tell parts of his story in this blog. He is focused on truth. That is real strength and is exactly what God intended. He tells us in II Corinthians that in our weakness is when God’s power is made perfect and we become strong. “For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

So, today I may “feel” ill-equipped or inadequate but I need to remember the same message that I gave to my daughter is true for me too. I am a child of God and wonderfully made. And even more than that, I am wonderfully made for the plan God has for my life. That plan is my journey. I am not working my way to get to the plan. I am living out his plan. Feelings are natural but they are not the truth. But, they can point us to the truth which is God is in control. His plan is perfect and when we don’t feel strong, HE IS. And, when we don’t feel able, HE CAN. So, God doesn’t want us to hang on to our feelings of fears, guilt, shame, and inadequacy. He can use them, however, to send us straight back to him. And through faith, despite our feelings, he can build our relationship with him and teach us to trust in his Truth. .. To create strength where there is weakness… To reflect his power regardless of our circumstances. We all were fearfully and wonderfully created for that.

I acknowledge some days are very hard. I wish I could have learned much of the same in a different way. But, I have found hope that joy can still exist even when there are challenges. We can see God’s hand at work in our lives and in those we love. We can practice looking for it by praying that our eyes will be opened to see it. That is actually most often my prayer for people who are in the midst of struggle that they will feel the presence of God and see his hand in action.

So today, I may be ill-prepared to handle certain things. But the good news is- MY GOD IS FULLY PREPARED. So, through loving the unlovable, honoring our journey no matter what, being authentic and relying on our faith in God is light in this world. We are in the process of being perfected through our journeys. We are being loved and empowered uniquely through our Creator as his child. So, wherever you journey takes you even if painful at times, that knowledge when fully trusted is enough. I am still working on learning to fully trust- one day at a time!

And, I will run today with the hope and knowledge that God created me perfectly for just this journey.