My very first blog entry described where I was emotionally and mentally about five months ago in dealing with my son’s addiction and our individual recoveries. It was a crossroads for me. I was burdened by fear and yearned for peace. I was a slave to my circumstances and emotions in many ways. One of the outcomes that I hoped for was not only growth in my perspective but understanding and compassion for the struggles that my son endures in this process. As I run and blog, I have learned a lot. My commitment is to write every week which I have generally adhered to. In order to do that, I have to be very present in what is going on around me and within me. Some topic will start to resonate for me during the week and I begin to take notes, do research and pray. From there, the words flow and it is a salve to my soul. I am also very humbled by how many people are reading it each week. I hope it provides some encouragement and hope or at least gives you something to think about with respect to your life or those around you.
I believe in my blog profile, I also said that I would not live out what I am learning consistently or articulate my thoughts perfectly. And, this is one of those weeks that my heart and head are full of thoughts and feelings. I will do my best to express what is stirring within me this week. It really started with thinking about celebrating the Fourth of July and this concept of Freedom. One definition of freedom is a political right. We are at such odds in this country about the parameters of political rights that people are incredibly burdened and becoming unable to have a peaceful exchange with one another. So much so, I saw a Facebook post on the 4th reminding her “friends” that we are all Americans and to please put aside political differences for one day in order to celebrate our country. Politics and freedom are not peaceful topics right now….But beyond that, I was struck by how much negative swirl is going on around me and how heavy I was feeling.
Another definition of freedom is to be free of constraint, liberated or released from slavery. I began to think about all that was going on. I was definitely feeling burdened by responsibilities, concerned about some things going on in our country, fearful of sending another child off to college to be confronted headlong by life, frustrated by the increasing threat of drugs on our children and saddened by the struggles of some of my friends. The question for me is how I stay present and yet not be undone by all the pain and challenge that is everywhere I look.
I had a conversation with my oldest about his 4th of July last night. I think holidays are hard for those in recovery. Although, he had an invitation to a gathering from someone in his AA home group, he was still faced with other young people who can live life free and unconstrained by addiction. They can choose to have a beer and choose to stop. They can go to different places without the fear of an obsession taking over. They can build relationships without the concern that the relationship will jeopardize their sobriety. Although he has had some real blessings recently in terms of a job and the ability to become more financially independent, the reality of continuing to dig his way out of the hole dug by his active addiction left him feeling constrained by his circumstances. And, he sounded lonely as he talked about wanting to build relationships that will last beyond his time in the sober living house. We had a good conversation but my heart ached for my son. As I closed my eyes, I wanted him to feel freedom despite his addiction. I wanted peace to replace his loneliness. And for that matter, I crave that same peace personally. The peace that transcends human understanding. The peace that is present regardless of circumstances. And the peace that would allow me to stay present and engaged with all the challenges and pain surrounding me and not be undone.
Incredibly, peace was then the topic of our sermon at church this morning. So, I had no choice but to write about it today. I came home and went through all the verses that were shared in our sermon and wrote them all down. The following verses and themes struck my heart:
First, I must BELIEVE that God is the source of true peace. In 1Cor 14:33, we are told that “God is not a God of disorder but of peace.” Christ says in John 16:33, “I have told you these things, so that you may have peace…But take heart, I have overcome the world.” The peace that I crave is not found in this world. The world is filled with pain and trouble and is not the source of peace but of disorder. That disorder can bring about negative emotions like sadness and fear for me. So, I must believe that God is the source of peace in order to be liberated from the circumstances or emotions that constrain me. And, if I first believe, then I can TRUST. And trust can then replace my fears. Philippians 4:6,7 “Do not be anxious about anything…present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds…” We have peace available which God wants us to have and to protect us from our fear and worry through that peace. That same verse 6 gives us specific direction on how to present our requests – “but in everything, by prayer and petition, and with thanksgiving, present your requests to God” and then the peace of God will guard your heart. A spirit of THANKFULNESS is connected with experiencing peace. Gratitude lists is an approach and way of life really reinforced in Alanon. When we open our eyes and our hearts to our blessings, our perspective changes. We see God’s provision even in the chaos of difficult circumstances. In Colossians 3:15, “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members you were called to peace. And be thankful.”
That same verse in Colossians not only tells us to be thankful but says we were called to peace. We must willingly RECEIVE peace. The first part of that verse tells us to let the peace of Christ rule in our lives. In John 14:27, Christ says, “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you. I do not give as the world gives…” How often do I choose to focus my eyes on the circumstances right in from of me rather than in faith receive what God has promised me- Peace? Unfortunately, it is far too often. And finally, we are called to REFLECT peace in this world. Through the Spirit, we receive inward peace which then allows us to project that peace outward. In Romans, 14:19, it says, “let us make every effort do to what leads to peace…” We are told that we will have trouble on this earth. What a gift to others to reflect the peace of God to them despite what is happening in our lives or in theirs. We are God’s instrument of peace on this earth. And we can be used to reflect a peace that does transcend human understanding.
My prayer today for my son is that he feels God’s presence and receives God’s peace despite his addiction, his current circumstances, and the challenges of recovery or his emotions. I also have on my mind several families who have experienced the overdose of a young adult over the weekend. It seems impossible to have peace in the midst of that kind of pain. But, my prayer for them is that they also will feel the peace that is not of this world but only God-given. And, may we all experience true freedom-God’s peace that allows us to live our lives out of richness , depth and joy rather than the burden, constraint, and slavery of this world.
I leave you with the final greeting of Paul to the Thessalonians. “Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you.”
And I run in honor of God’s peace- our true freedom!
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