I am waking up feeling so much gratitude this morning. Certainly for blessings but really about how God showed off for me this week. I often pray just let me see your hand at work today. This week, I did a lot to try and take over his role in a situation with my younger son. My behavior suggested that I didn’t trust his hand although my words said otherwise. It happens so easily at times and sneaks up without you realizing that you have really moved into that control mode. With that comes burden that we were never meant to take on.
My younger son who just started at University of South Carolina decided that he wanted to go through Fraternity Rush. He did that taking into account a lot of considerations. He wants to be involved in Campus Ministries and had gotten a sense for which fraternities had active Christian boys involved. He wanted to do it despite not knowing anyone. As a friend said to me recently, everyone from 2 to 102 wants to belong somewhere. I get that. I was involved in a sorority when in college. It was a great experience for me. But, when you have one child who has struggled with addiction, you have concerns about activities your other children want to do. You want to protect them from this awful disease.
Well, the process began last week and we quickly learned there was the stated process and the real process. The first part was disappointing as the real process came to light. No real bad behavior but just made it more difficult if you don’t know people. So, I found myself wanting to help, protect his feelings, being concerned if he didn’t find a place and being concerned that he would. It was a swirl of emotions. I put the outcome on my “lay it on the altar” list which is meant to be an acknowledgement of the things that I need to turn over to God. I was saying what I knew to be truth. That God was really in control and he would manage this process with my son. But my behavior showed that I was definitely trying to control things. I also unintentionally was sending a message to my son that he couldn’t handle it. There was nothing in his approach that would indicate that. He had sought wise council on deciding to pursue this from his Christian friends and leaders. He had researched what groups might be supportive of his beliefs. And, he was putting it all in perspective. It was the mother who was struggling.
About mid-week, I woke up and thought this is crazy thinking. I prayed acknowledging that the story was already written, the events were orchestrated, and God is always good. So, I also prayed that I knew God would close the wrong windows and make light the right path. Then a day early, all three organizations that had been recommended because of having Christian boys, were engaging with my son. Two of them had already given most of their bids out in an early process. Then he got formal invitations from all three. The first invitation he received, he immediately connected to a guy active in fraternity ministries and then was introduced to many young men who were involved across campus in the various ministries. Now, who would have imagined that God would surround your child by Christian boys in an active dialogue during a Rush event. In fact, this particular fraternity has the most guys involved in all the campus ministries of any fraternities but had been clear that they had very little room at this point. But, God was working. Where there was no room, he made room. He connected these young men to my son and it was his affirmation that he could be in a fraternity and still be active in his faith goals. They did not know him except through some recommendations, his high school resume, and a few short conversations. But, I know God was clearing the way and honored my son’s desire. And, God demonstrated to me that he had it all along. There was no need to be fearful. I am thankful that I was reminded that my saying that “God has got it” is true in all things.
Now, I know that God is sovereign, all–powerful, and good all the time. I have had to trust in that with my oldest son’s sobriety. My next level of work is in the more routine, mundane parts of life. It is sometimes easier to trust in a crisis than in the day-to-day. Perhaps that comes from believing I can actually control the smaller issues. But the worry and the stress that comes from that again is a burden we were never meant to carry. It is like expending energy on a tug of war game. I give things over and then try very hard to take them back. But I am going to be the one that falls over because I was never meant to be in control. God is all-powerful not me. I was meant to live my life with my eyes and heart open to what God’s plan was. What if we woke up every day with a sense of wonder about what God was doing in our lives that day rather than ruminate about the past and worry about the future. I had a close friend say to me last week when I told her I was worried, “all we have is today”. I need to be present and grateful for what is going on in my life today. That same day, I had someone who knew nothing of this situation send me a link to a TED Talk by Louis Schwartzberg. It was a beautiful clip. Louis does time lapsed photography of flowers and you see life in nature moving. He said that when people see his photography they often say, “Oh My God.” He goes on to say that what that really means is:
OH- the beauty has captured your attention
MY- the beauty connects deep inside to your soul as a gateway to your inner voice
God- the beauty connects you to our desire for a personal journey with God that connects us to the celebration of life
He goes on to say that nature’s beauty is a gift that cultivates appreciation and gratitude. I know exactly what he means because that is how I feel as I sit at the beach watching the waves roll in and out. I feel connected to something much bigger than myself. I feel the presence of God. My burdens fade and I can breathe. I feel at peace.
Schwartzberg then provides a new clip building on the gratitude theme. It was touching. It reminded us that today is just “not another day”. Today is a gift fully unique and the appropriate response is gratitude. If you spend your day as if it is your first and last day, you will spend it well. When you look around and really open your eyes, you will see a unique sky, unique landscapes, unique weather, and unique faces with unique stories. That is being present! I have to believe you will see God’s hand with that level of intentional focus on the present. And if you experience the present and the gifts of God, it will flow to others through your eyes, your smile and your interaction- your presence. God will use it to bless others.
So, today I am filled with gratitude and wonder. God used a situation to teach me to trust. He is teaching me to be present. Feelings are human and sometimes all we can do is state what we know the truth is and pray. God will do the work to bring the peace. I don’t want to live my life playing tug-of-war with God. I want to live following his lead in this dance called life. I want to live my life in the present and trust that God is at work. And to live looking for his handiwork, hearing his voice, seeing his hand is to live life with a sense of wonder. It is to live life without the burdens we were never meant to carry. And it is to live life knowing that “Oh My God- You are right here and you have got this”. Halleluiah!!
Today I am definitely running with gratitude!!
Very comforting sallie!
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