Last week, my heart skipped a beat when the news reported 7 Heroin overdoses in one day in the area surrounding High Point, NC just an hour or so away. SEVEN IN ONE DAY… To put that in perspective, there were a total of 25 overdoses in 2013 in the same area with 17 being related to Heroin. At this point in 2014, there are a total of 34 overdoses with 31 attributed to Heroin. The Police Chief went on to report the connection with pain medicine and that it is found in all areas, all schools, and all social-economic areas. It knows no boundaries and introduces great danger into the lives of those who use. We have an epidemic and we all need to be talking about it. And, not just among ourselves but with our kids. Danger surrounds them…
This news added fuel to the fire of my fears this week. My second son graduates next Saturday. And although I am excited for him, the tears come up quickly. And the question that I have been wrestling with is whether I have truly prepared him to leave home and move into the world full time. He has chosen the University of South Carolina just like his older brother. When my oldest went off, I was really excited for him and somehow naïve to the dangers out there. When he returned home in May after four years, he was in full blown addiction. His life was a mess. The hard thing is that it started right in front of me. You see he was in and out of the hospital over 5 months with a lung issue. The last 15 days were after he was in college. At that time, his addiction took a hold. I watched them as they administered pain meds non-stop including a morphine pump at his discretion. Not seeing the danger clearly, I just wanted him to be relieved of the pain he was experiencing. And, I left him at his dorm with a prescription and no oversight. He was not prepared for the danger nor was I… But, God was watching.
Now, I know that every person is different and drugs are available on every college campus. And, I hope that my second son has learned enough through the painful lessons that we have all experienced with addiction that he understands the danger. But, what else could happen for which I have not equipped him over the last 18 years. What other dangers are my eyes closed to. Our generation is known for being over involved as parents. We allowed our children to be scheduled to the hilt and then managed it for them. We intervene when things don’t go as planned in a class or club. We helped or did their projects. And, we review or write every essay for college applications. We do our best not to let them fail. I once heard a professor from a good private college in NC suggest that we are disabling our children to deal with real life. She went on to comment that her students who came with great grades and test scores could not manage to organize their lives around the details of their class syllabi. They would come asking a million questions and totally overwhelmed. In some cases, their mothers called to talk through the class requirements. Certainly, these coping strategies don’t work very well when they get to the world of work. Just as our intervention is a danger to their ability to operate in this world easily, what pain we may have been prevented for our children multiplies later in life when faced with big challenges.
As my younger son headed off on his weekend camping trip with his high school friends between exams and graduation, tears streamed down my face as I watched him drive off. How could the time have flown by so quickly? Where had I let him down as a flawed parent? What else could I have taught him that would have prepared him better to leave the nest? And, what consequences did I protect him from out of love that would provide challenges to him later?
I think back to the smiling faces that surrounded my life in college with expectations of what life would be for us after college. We were not prepared for what would happen over the years- death of a roommate, divorce, abuse, children with disabilities, heart attacks in 30’s, cancer, and on and on… Although, I don’t think our parents intentionally prepared us for those events. I can see where God worked within our circumstances to provide. That is my hope today!
There was a time that I had a reoccurring dream that one of my children died and I was trying to plan for the service. Each time I had that dream I woke up in tears begging that God would not ask that of me. I hoped it was some subconscious fear because all of my children had dealt with a health issues at some point. But, it would leave me unsettled and I would often refer back to the Bible to the story of Abraham and Isaac. After all those years of infertility, God gave Isaac to Abraham and Sarah and then asked for him back as a sacrifice. Danger at its ultimate- death. Seems unfathomable! But, Abraham trusted in God and did what was asked of him. And, in the end, God provided for Isaac’s life. Abraham called that place “The Lord will Provide” and God blessed his faith with a promise that his descendants would be as numerous as the stars. God had much bigger plans and called Abraham to trust him. I used to look at the story and take it a bit too literally as if death of a child was the only application of this story. Over the last few years, when I have been fearful for my children whether it was a big as addiction or more routine challenges with a class or friends, I have envisioned placing my children on God’s alter trusting that God will provide perfectly when I did not know how to. I have had to trust God to care for them through life’s lessons providing what they needed to live out his plan for them. And, I had to trust that God could see the dangers that I did not and walk by my children’s side through those dangers.
God specifically placed these precious people temporarily in my hands. He will teach them things through me just as he teaches your children through you. That includes the good and the bad. We are all imperfect. But, we are reminded that they are His. He is the Perfect Parent. If we could teach our kids some sort of formula that allowed them to perfectly execute life on this earth, then there would be no need for faith. But life is a journey- a transformation and a chance to learn about God’s character and what we were created to do on this earth. We, as parents, have hopes for our children but that is a human perspective and not all that God created them to be or to do. Our view of happiness and impact is so limited. And, God’s is beyond our feeble imagination. So, why would we keep them from discovering all that God has for them? I held on to my oldest for so long thinking I could help him and make things better. It was not until I lovingly gave his over to his Perfect Parent, God, that progress was made in both of our lives. He was my Isaac…
So, as I think about the next month or so that I will still have with my second son, I will continue to look for times to share wisdom that I have gained along the way. Wisdom beyond the basics like studying and finances but about life. The opportunities that will be available to explore who he was created to be. The opportunities to learn from mistakes. The opportunities to love and give to others. The opportunity to build his faith!
My prayer for all of us who have children graduating is that we will use our time wisely before they leave. It is never too late to teach them. That we will pray for them to be open to all the richness that God has to teach them in this next season of life. It is never too late to acknowledge that God has a bigger and better plan for them. That we will build our faith on Abraham’s example and trust that “God will provide”. It is never too late to trust God for anything including our children!
Today, I will run with relief that I don’t have to be a perfect parent. They have already have one- Thank God!!!
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