Path to 60: Following God into the unknown

 There are three messages that I often embed in my writing…

• We are created for a unique purpose…Our journeys are the process through which our purpose on this earth is fulfilled 
• Gods walks that journey in and through us. He exists within, behind, before and to the side
• Our journeys are sacred connected to God and set aside for his purposes 

The other thing embedded in all of these is how God uses our circumstances, our friends, even our bodies and that quiet voice within to strengthen us and urge us forward and teach us about ourselves and our creator. Yesterday, it was the quiet voice that began to speak to me in an unexpected way teaching me an unexpected truth. A truth about my transforming relationship with God. It happened as some simple words from Sunday’s sermon caught hold and the voice of God illuminated an insight about my relationship with God throughout my life.

As a child, I was in church all the time. I went to elementary school there, Wednesday night church and often twice on Sundays. I learned a lot about God. I was taught the stories of the Bible. Seeds were planted and I believed. I always have. At least as a child and through my young adult years, I understood at a very basic level the breadth of God. The holiness of who he is and the gift found in the cross. He felt big, merciful  and honestly distant and separate. What I didn’t grasp was that he wanted a personal relationship with me or even the breadth of his love for me, the individual. And yet, I knew my faith was sacred. I knew the character of God from behind at his roots with humankind. I learned about him from the history we have documented through the stories of the Bible. Looking backwards was the genesis of my faith. Those years were sacred. 

As an adult, I followed the plan. I finished college, got married, started working, and began a family. I followed the natural steps at least as I believed was the normal expectation. And then life threw some warning signs and on same days and even seasons real roadblocks came hard. I had time on the mountaintop, things to celebrate, blessings and gifts. But I also faced much to my surprise deep disappointments and pain from broken relationships, a sense of inadequacy to care for my children and fear for our well-being as our family fractured. So, those seeds planted in my early years began to sprout. I had to be brought to the end of my abilities, my strength, my sense of worth before I had no place but to turn to God. It was at those times, I learned reliance. I sought comfort. I began to understand that not only was he present in the heights, the very places I learned gratitude and experienced feelings of happiness and

of deep joy. But he was also in the depths of despair. There, I experienced his unconditional love. I was now engaged in a personal relationship with God and could see his grace shed on me. I looked to my side and grabbed hold of the relationship. He became close and real in the seasons of life- the complicated and simple, the dark and the light, and the tears and laughter. It was with him, I learned to navigate all of those.

Here I am approaching 60. It’s not so much the number but a time of shifts- shifting relationships and priorities. Everywhere I look, it seems there is change on the horizon. The change isn’t fully clear. And so, I am looking within. Listening to the Spirit as I feel the urge to move forward. Unmet dreams have resurfaced. A desire to not react to life but proactively pursue my purpose. I am paying attention to my body’s response. I am learning to be still and allow the Spirit to speak to me. I’ve come to understand that I have lived a lifetime in fight or flight. Reacting to the world’s plan, others’ choices, and a life of responsibilities. And, my body is saying enough. And yet the future seems unclear, unknown in many ways.

So, yesterday some simple words about people following Jesus into Palm Sunday stirred me. They knew he was special. He was a healer. Some even thought he was the Messiah. While he came in on a donkey, it wasn’t the triumphal entry of a king taking his rightful place would make, they followed. They had no idea the sacrifice and the gift of forgiveness that was to come. The glory to be revealed was not understood. And yet, they followed Jesus into the unknown. The eyes of Jesus were also on God’s plan. He understood the sacrifice and yet he followed. There is such hope in that. The act of following rooted in trust that something quite special and life changing was on the horizon. I thought to myself here I am at a season where I am being called forward. Why would I not simply follow? It is still easier said than done. The unknown feels risky. But everything that God has taught me says he is worthy to be trusted. 

Yes, I can look back and understand his character. I could look to the side and see his presence. And I can look within and hear his voice calling me to follow. He is leading me into my future, the continued steps in the evolution of my purpose. So, if I believe what I say I believe- that we are created uniquely for a purpose set aside by God and that he has walked the path with me always sustaining and preparing me for that very purpose, what is keeping me from following him into the unknown? I am not sure I can answer but to say that I believe God is now teaching me to follow his lead. In the past, he has allowed some doors to be closed, blessed my choices in many ways and sustained me as I worked to sustain others. He stayed by my side. Just maybe, now he is saying just keep your eyes on me and follow. I have new things for which you have been set aside to do. That is real trust and faith lived out.

There is beauty to be found in the unknown. The sacred journey continues…

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The Path to 60: What internal soundtracks are playing?

It’s hard to believe it’s been two months since the last post and now two months closer to this next big birthday. A birthday symbolic of entering a new season, certainly a new decade. The truth is I entered this new season well before this birthday will come. I have lived in anticipation or perhaps dread for awhile. You see, the changes have been underway for some time. Children building independent lives. Loved ones experiencing health challenges. My own loss of confidence in my physical appearance or sense of physical strength. Even my sense of purpose has felt diminished and unclear. 

The narrative playing in my head was driven out of a sense of loss and a lack of clarity. I began to wrestle with fear. Those messages began to replay over and over. I heard author, Jon Acuff, speak recently about “broken soundtracks”. He was actually talking about teenagers and negative self-talk. His advice to confront these negative messages was to ask the following questions:

Is it true? Is it kind? Is it helpful?

I have read similar approaches to evaluating how we talk to one another. I have even challenged myself before on the the truth of my own narrative. Maybe even asked myself if certain self-talk was helpful or rather was it creating fear or distraction. But I don’t think I have been asking myself if I am treating myself kindly through my own self narrative. Maybe it’s being a mother or father, a wife or husband or even a boss. We have spent so much time encouraging others through change, we haven’t focused on the same for ourselves. 

So, here I am in the midst of change, approaching a new season- shifting roles, physical aging, redefining my purpose. And in order to combat my own subtle messaging focused on loss or fear, I have to remind myself of what I truly believe. I believe that life is sacred. Our journeys are sacred also. I believe we are creations of God with a purpose here in this world. That alone is the basis of our worth. Lastly, I believe we are both loved and loveable. 

And yet, sometimes my inner dialogue doesn’t reinforce those beliefs. Fear sneaks in and those messages undermine my fundamental beliefs. That self-imposed deception casts a shadow that can hide the hope that exists in the opportunity a new season brings. We don’t focus on the gift of time to explore who we are as God’s creation and the depth of God’s love found in pursuit of our purpose here on earth. We may not recognize the impact that can be created through our lives found in the wisdom gained and the knowledge of God’s character experienced through our journey. It is why each season is sacred. It is why we need to replace those “broken soundtracks”. 

I have been working with a personal coach on a project that I would like to take on. At some point early in that conversation, I questioned whether I had anything to contribute of value to others. She said simply, “you have your wisdom”. A lifetime of experiences creates insight and empathy. Wisdom to be shared. Since that time, what my narrative has switched to is what I have to give which is my energy, my time, and my wisdom found through experiences. So, when negative thoughts rise to the surface and especially to those of us approaching a new season, a big birthday, ask yourself is it true? Does it reflect what you believe? Are you so caught in the loss of one role, that you cannot see the opportunities that can be found in a new or evolving role. Is it helpful? Does it hold you back or propel you forward towards your purpose in this season. Finally, is it kind? Do you treat yourself with grace and love? Do you reinforce your worth through the quiet messages you tell yourself? 

Yes, our lives are changing. We will experience some loss and maybe even grief. And yet, I believe with all my heart that God is calling us forward. He is calling us towards our purpose which is a journey not a destination. Our purpose doesn’t slam shut at 60. Our depth becomes our compelling beauty. The internal beauty can outshine the external changes.  And as long as we still have breath, we are still on that journey. We have precious time, energy and wisdom to contribute. There will be opportunities to be blessed and to bless. Through thoughtful evaluation, prayers, or meditation, we can recognize those broken soundtracks and replace them with messages of love, worth, faith and hope. We can grow forward. We evolve our purpose and still have valuable impact in the lives around us. That is not contingent on any one role other than perhaps being a child of God. And, we can experience God more fully and live our lives reflecting that back to those who surround us. 

We are on a sacred journey… So, let our soundtracks reflect that!