Well, here I am writing in my blog for the first time since June. It’s hard to believe that it is has been so long but I think God has been working quietly in me. You see I have been feeling that a new season was coming. The terrain of my journey may be changing. Maybe it’s because I have been aware that I am moving from my early 50s to my mid-50s. And, that is unsettling to me. Maybe it’s because this is year two of an empty nest. And, I have come to the realization that if I don’t move forward with what God has in store for me, I will dig my nails into my kids hanging on for dear life to their life. I just don’t think that’s a good thing nor do they, I’m sure! Maybe it’s because I have come through a decade of crisis with kids due to health and addiction. And gratefully, the waves of those crises have calmed for the moment allowing me to refocus. And maybe it’s because more recently, I have been faced with a sense that time on this earth is limited as others in the foreground and background of my life have passed on. Truthfully, it is all of it that has propelled me to think about how I want to live my life for the days I have left. That could be another 40 years like my aunt and my grandmother or it could be the next hour. But whatever time I have left, I want to be both intentional and present to what God intended for me and his hand in my life.
I have touched on this before but I usually write because I feel compelled to in that moment. Something comes to me in the shower or my commute to the office when I am alone in the car. There are times when I just wake to something stirring in my soul that needs to be explored. The genesis of this blog today is no different. On Friday morning, the first thing I thought about when I awoke was a series of phrases before I even stepped out of the bed.
It is not my job to:
• To assume someone’s motivation or their heart
• To judge someone’s actions
• To demand someone believes what I do
• To deny someone’s journey or ignore someone’s pain
• To place a value on someone’s life
• To assess the potential of another
• To ignore the fact that we are all God’s children
That IS NOT my job. But… it is my job to live my life according to my beliefs and in faith and trust. It is my job to love…
I wanted to go straight to the laptop and start writing but something inside said, “not yet”. I really wrestled with the waiting. You see, those phrases that I woke up with were convicting to me. You may not hear me say something overtly, at least I hope not, that suggests that I value someone less or demand that they believe what I do or judge others. But believe me, in the quiet of my heart, if I am honest I often do just perhaps more subtly than others or am not conscious of the real implications of my thoughts. Think for a moment about what you see on social media or how you react. Whether or not you have posted something explicitly or not, think about your thoughts and how quickly it is to go to a place where you assume, judge, demand, deny, place a value, assess or ignore. I am guessing if you are truthful to yourself, most of us go there at some point in the quiet of our mind and heart. It convicted me because in those actions you crucify someone rather than love them. Stop for a minute and think about Christ and how he was treated in the days before the cross. Those very things existed. I don’t know about you but that kind of takes my breath away. So, I knew I needed to write but followed the prompting to wait for a couple of days. I guess I really knew that God had more to say to me. And, he did. I will share those learnings. I think they were all designed to prepare me for my new season.
God spoke to me in a variety of ways. Last week, someone shared a post about a place called The Free Store of Charlotte. It caught my eye because it is in part meant to serve the less fortunate. I have been starting to engage with serving in our homeless populations so it intrigued me. This store provides free access to donated clothes and home goods. There is a sign that says “Give what you can, and take what you need.” But more importantly is that the Free Store is not just about meeting a physical need, it is about moving into relationship with others. As I read up on it, the following comment resonated with me about this place. “The really awesome thing about it (The Free Store), which gives it a deeply satisfying aspect, is that this is a place where very different kinds of people actually form mutually supportive friendships.” You see difference is valuable to both sides when you engage in relationship. We both have things to share and needs to fill. I think that is why we are specifically called to love our neighbors and our enemies. We are told that without love, what we say, what we give, even our faith means nothing. But love prevails. Love goes out and expands much like circles in the water when a pebble is thrown in. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in truth, always protects, trusts, hopes and perseveres. So, being in relationship with those outside my close circle or my comfort zone is what I am called to do. It is my job to love.
The next lesson was about possibility. I woke up this morning with this word on my mind. There are a number of verses that speak to the fact that all things are possible with God. I do think those are hopeful. Somehow in my mind though, it is limited to what I can imagine. But the verse that says, “For nothing is impossible with God” opens up to God’s power and his grace and mercy are not limited within our imagination. The angels said that to Mary as they acknowledged God’s call on her life to be the mother of our Savior. She was called to be a part of the ultimate story of redemption and grace. Her journey was not just limited to the wife of a poor carpenter in a small town. God used her in the greatest love story told and a story far beyond human possibility. So, how do we limit others value or potential by our thoughts or actions? How do we limit ourselves by not living out faith that believes that nothing is impossible with God? How am I limiting my own potential by not opening up this next season to the limitlessness of God? It is my job to have faith in that journey.
Lastly, God taught me about the importance of personal change versus change in circumstance. It is clear to me that our journey is about continual redemption until we get to perfection in heaven. So, I have learned and am still learning to value that journey. I recently sent a note with some verses to encourage a friend who is struggling. One of which was in Isaiah 43- “See I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” This verse has been on my mind this week- a new thing, a new season… I have just setup a new office which is still in a bit of disarray. Friday, I looked over to see a notecard with a several verses on it. Believe it or not, they were all about being called to love. I don’t know where it came from but I know it was perfectly timed for me and reinforced the thoughts of earlier that morning.
Then lastly, I was watching a church service today that I watch on Sundays when I am not at mine. In fact, I also watched last Sunday given the weather. So, as I settled in to watch, I realized that they were replaying the same sermon as last week. Don’t get me wrong, it was good. I have to admit that I was a little disappointed as I was hoping to hear something new. But, God has a sense of humor. Perhaps, he made all the thousands of people watching this morning listen to it again because I couldn’t hear it the first time!! But this time, I heard the pastor say that we pray for a change in our outcome or a new season but we often don’t pray for a change in ourselves. It struck a chord with me. I have been praying for a clear picture of what this next season looks like. But perhaps, God is changing me on the inside so that I can actually be ready for what he has in store. If God is perfect and God is Love then maybe the more I learn to love, the more I am actually living out his plan for me. And just maybe, my season will evolve as I do one day at a time. And, the more I can reflect his character in a world that is hurting- my job, the ripples of my life can help to make a difference to a world that rather than loving is stuck assuming, judging, demanding, denying, valuing and assessing with perceptions based not on love but on human flaws, imperfections, and fears. A world not recognizing others true value as a child of God and perhaps not even their own value. Thankfully, there is redemption and hope when love is expressed. It is not only my job to love but to have faith and trust God with it all.
I am hopeful that God will teach me and use me in this next season. I have to be open to changing myself first to be used in whatever circumstance my journey leads me to. I have to be honest about my heart's motivation. Where love is absent in that, I have to change. No matter what season you are in- a season of growth or pain, a season of youth or aging, a season of addiction or recovery, a season of endings and beginnings, there is hope in the journey. There are relationships to be shared, possibilities to experienced, and growth to be had.
Thankfully, nothing is impossible with God. And yes, there’s hope in your journey. I know there is in mine so I’ll keep running the race! That is my job!!
