It has been quite a few wonderful and emotional days. I attended my 35th high school reunion this weekend. And, I can only describe it as an almost miraculous sense of community. Honestly, that time spent with so many friends has touched me in a way that I left changed and inspired. I knew I would write about it but was waiting until my heart led me to the words. The catalyst came this afternoon through another gift of words.
My niece suffered a stroke while in utero and has some physical challenges as a result. She recently had a treatment that shows some promise to help overcome those obstacles but she needs encouragement to do the therapy. She is 13 years old and 13 years younger than my oldest son. He was moved to write her a letter from his heart as a way to encourage her by sharing his health challenges as a young boy related to eye issues and asthmas. He felt hurt by his circumstances and “less than” because he didn’t see his other friends struggle. When he was 7, we went through a sad divorce and it hurt him deeply. He felt different and “less than” all over again. He was angry at God and then his lung issues at the end of high school led him down the path of addiction in college. He watched his friends graduate and move on. His life was different. There he was in a new city, in a long term rehab, being told his life would never be the same. He had a battle to fight that was unending. His life was not what he imagined. For almost four years he struggled in that battle feeling angry and sad. He was mad at God for allowing the obstacles to consume his life. He could only see the pain of his circumstances.
But then, he was reminded how courageous he was by one his doctors. He was fighting a battle. And yet, with each misstep and a persistence to work through it and try again, was becoming stronger. His journey was preparing him for not only this battle but for whatever else might be a challenge along his path. God was sending encouragement and support through others. He was teaching him strength by allowing his weaknesses and challenges to propel him forward. So, as he takes in that revelation, he is stronger, less angry, more present and even thankful for his circumstances and the people who have surrounded him. His message was one of recognizing and identifying the challenges that my niece might be experiencing. He reached out in support to my niece who might be seen as different by the other children and I’m sure has experienced some rejection. God must have stirred in my son a need to reach out to young cousin who is trying at age 13 to develop a sense of self and let her know that she is not alone. My son’s message to her was one of empathy, encouragement, and planting the seeds so that she will come to understand the depth of God’s love for her and the bigger work that is being done in her life through God. That is hard to understand at 13. But hopefully, his words will one day take root. I know at a minimum just the act of writing a long letter touched her. She will know she is not forgotten and is not alone in her struggles.
As I was thinking about this letter, the words “if only” came to me. If only we could see beyond our immediate circumstances to the greater picture. If only we could accept that God loves us through others and not be afraid to share our struggles. If only we could understand our value as a unique creation of God and not measure that value against someone else’s gifts, perceived blessings,or some homogenized version of a human existence. If only we knew how much a kind word or an encouragement could actually propel another sojourner along their path. And lastly, if only we could acknowledge and own our life’s path as a holy and wonderful experience meant to uncover the gifts that God intended us to share in this world. If only we knew…
I have just spent a wonderful weekend with a majority of my classmates from high school. As I mentioned at the beginning, it was nothing short of miraculous. The community of caring and support was almost indescribable. Where there may have cliques, the barriers had faded. Life certainly has a way of equalizing and changing one’s perspective. In retrospect, I know there were other people struggling in high school. There was a lot of hurt and insecurity that was kept below the surface. I think those years are about trying to develop a sense of self. Unfortunately, it seems it is easier to look left and right than inside. If only we knew that looking left and right was a ticket to insecurity, maybe we could have avoided some pain. If only I knew…
I had great friends but always felt “less than”. I had sadness, disappointments and pain. I worked very hard to cover it up. Early in my adult life, I struggled with the fact that my life wasn’t how I had envisioned it. I didn’t expect to be divorced with 3 very young children. I didn’t expect the level of difficulty and effort that would be required to work full time and mother full time. I didn’t expect to have children with health issues. I certainly didn’t expect to have addiction enter our lives and watch my son fight a battle that he had to do on his own. I grieved for the loss of what I had hoped my life would be for me and my children. At times, I am not sure I expected to survive it with grace, faith and joy. I just didn’t see a way. If only I knew…
Well, I have learned a lot through those challenges. Because I know now that God has a unique place for each of us in this world. His plans don’t look like ours but with his plan everything is possible and challenges can be used for good. I know now that weakness can lead to strength. Each challenge allows us the opportunity to develop our gifts and lead us along our unique path. I know now why God’s number one command is to love one another. It is in that exchange of love between neighbors that he provides support to deal with the challenges of the day. It is that love made real among us that encourages us and through which healing can take place. And I know that faith allows hope to enter in even when circumstances look dark. I know now there is more to the story and I am not alone.
I saw so many examples of how God uses others in a healing way this weekend as we all pulled together as a community. I personally got a lot of support for sharing our story. I thanked someone for his encouraging words. His comment to me was “if I encourage you, you will still be there encouraging me.” Love begets love. I know that and so does he. We had lost another beloved class mate in the last year. Because of that, one of our classmates, a special guy, sent out a heartfelt note to our class. He talked about how life throws up challenges and sometimes it doesn’t go as planned or as dreamed. But those “failures or challenges” are not as important as the relationships we have with people who knew us growing up. This was a time to gather and just connect and experience the love and support of that community. He encouraged people to come. I know there were people who had those concerns and reservations about attending. And just by that encouragement, I think he set the tone for the weekend. He followed his heart and something special happened. He knew…
What a blessing when there are points in life when the “if onlys” dissipate. The truth fills the space. We understand our value. And we are filled with the grace of knowing that our journey, our story, is unique and ordained. And, out of our challenges is an opportunity to connect and encourage another. A chance to be God’s love in this world! A chance to live your life knowing!
JP Class of ’81- You are special and an important part of my life- my story. Your stories that were shared brought laughter, encouragement, and healing. You are an inspiration! You are my community and that is a blessing! Thank you for this weekend!
