Love one another as I have loved you

Love your enemies…
Love your neighbors as yourself…
Love one another as I have loved you…

What a calling that is!

The last few weeks have been so turbulent. It seems as if there is evil and brokenness everywhere I look. Two weeks ago, the three tragic events in Orlando and the aftermath of those events have left me sad, angry and now convicted. How can a person murder a beautiful, talented , kind 22 year old? And another because of his beliefs takes the lives of 49 people injuring many more… Why do we feel the need to attack each other about political issues rather than grieving as a community and then working together to look for solutions by learning from each other’s point of view. Instead, we attack each other shutting down conversation. The Bible tells us that we all possess knowledge. But knowledge puffs up while love builds up. Instead, we live and reflect the world’s view- Love your neighbor, hate your enemy. And it seems that the enemy is sometimes broadly defined these days based on those who believe differently, look different or somehow don’t fit our idea of perfection. We do not love them. We judge them.

And why do we feel the need in the face of a tragic accident to attack a family who is mourning the loss of their two old year son? Can we honestly say that we have never made a bad decision, or been distracted or were not aware of potential dangers? Is that loving our neighbor as ourselves? We react when see a story about children bullying each other and yet adults are doing the same thing across social media? It’s everywhere. Just open Facebook or Twitter up. I remember being shocked at what grown-ups were tweeting about 17 year olds during college signing day who chose a school perhaps different than a school that they made a verbal commitment to. They are kids making an important decision and had every right to switch. But, the vitriol by adults was horrifying. The political rhetoric among friends is staggering much less the politicians. We don't talk, we accuse. Its somehow become a normal method discourse. How do we expect our kids to behave in respectful and kind ways when we don’t?

Even beyond that weekend, I have seen a story recently about a Doctor who encouraged a family to abort a baby girl who has Down Syndrome. The family did not and has a beautiful girl who brings joy to those around her. Her life is valuable. She has impact. We think we can define value and impact and forget the God is in it all and creates miracles out of challenges. God teaches us love, compassion and patience through those who may need more like children with autism. He creates value and impact beyond what the world says. I saw another news story about teenagers who looked like all-American kids who beat a homeless man to death who was fishing and left his family to find him. And yes, his life was valuable. How sad that it is that they didn’t understand that somehow. We don't understand the pull of addiction so we judge. We make assumptions about what someone’s value is or how perhaps they got into a particular situation. They are our neighbors and yet we do not always love them. We judge them. And that judgment tears down relationships. I know I have experienced the hurt of that judgment as single working mother in my children's early years and a mother of a recovering addict.

I am so saddened by what I see these days. I understand the anger. There are a lot of serious things going on in our country. We do have enemies. We are instructed to love our enemies and pray for them. Now, that is hard to do and God’s ways are not our ways. It seems to me the biggest issue we have is a heart issue just as our enemies do. We can’t solve things when we can’t talk. I do feel angry and very frustrated about what life looks like around me. I can become overwhelmed with worry. Surely, some of you understand that feeling. It occurred to me that I will be overwhelmed if I don’t focus on me and what I can do and have faith in what God can do with that. So, what I can do is try to do what God has commanded me to do. In 1 Corinthians, it says “Do everything in love.” It’s a heart thing first and a behavior thing second. I Cor 13 “If I speak in tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging symbol…if I have faith that can move mountains but have not love, I am nothing…If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love I gain nothing.” Again a heart thing…

So today, I decided to start with me. I went to the pool and sat down with my Bible. I looked at many verses about love. It is clear that we are commanded to love. As usual, God teaches and sometimes with quite a sense of humor. You see it’s easy to look at some of those examples and feel good about ourselves. I haven’t murdered anybody. I don’t send demeaning comments anonymously through social media. I am seen as kind. But there are times, I have a heart issue. I judge and it can be really subtle. It happened today as I was reading through these verses on love, believe it or not.

There was a woman sitting right down from me at the pool . She was about my age. She was different from me in that her language was not that great and seemed negative. She was complaining about different things to the teenage lifeguard using that colorful language. And, I was judging. And then, she began to complain about one of my “adopted” sons across the pool giving swim lessons. “He was too loud. He should be in the water rather than instructing from the side, etc.” Beyond just judging, the momma bear instinct rose up. I was about to say something to her and make sure she knew this was one of my village children who knew exactly what he was doing. He was college swimmer. I wanted to put her in her place. As quick I started scheming, it occurred to me that this is exactly what God means when he says love your neighbor. He was the judge not me. My “adopted” son was not hurt as he did not even know it was happening. I should leave it to God. And so I did. Just that act opened my ears to other things. It sounded like her kids are older and gone. She comes to the pool to fill her time. Just maybe she is lonely. Then, I could look at her differently. Someone posted today a picture that said, “Be Kind. For everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.” I don’t know what motivates this woman’s negativity. In the end, this young man came over to say hello. It would have been obvious to her from our conversation that he was a surrogate family member to me and that he was a special young man. Maybe God will use that and she will think about how she criticizes in public or then again maybe not. Either way that is God’s work not mine. But, he showed me how easy it is to have a heart problem. We all do at times.

So, this is not an easy set of commands but it is the core of what God calls us to do. He blesses that love. Yes, this is a very tough time in this world. However, if you look around, you can see how healing occurs when love is shown. The long lines to give blood in Orlando. The follow-up posts by mothers sending love to the family who lost their two year old. The people who go out on Saturdays and serve the homeless. For those of us who are Christians, our command is clear. We are to love each other as Christ loved us. We were his enemy and he loves us. It is our gift. We are promised that love binds us together. The body grows when built in love. We do not have to be overcome by evil, but we can overcome evil with love. It is love that will lead to unity and a bond of peace.

So, I am convicted. It is peace I want and I want to reflect God’s love. Only I can know though what is in my heart. I am challenged to think differently than the world. I am challenged to remember God first loved me. He forgave me through his death. I did not deserve the mercy that I was given but I can reflect his mercy, grace and love. And God can and will use that in a much bigger way that I could imagine. And He can use you too. We can impact this world through His Love. Want to join me?

If only I knew...

It has been quite a few wonderful and emotional days. I attended my 35th high school reunion this weekend. And, I can only describe it as an almost miraculous sense of community. Honestly, that time spent with so many friends has touched me in a way that I left changed and inspired. I knew I would write about it but was waiting until my heart led me to the words. The catalyst came this afternoon through another gift of words.

My niece suffered a stroke while in utero and has some physical challenges as a result. She recently had a treatment that shows some promise to help overcome those obstacles but she needs encouragement to do the therapy. She is 13 years old and 13 years younger than my oldest son. He was moved to write her a letter from his heart as a way to encourage her by sharing his health challenges as a young boy related to eye issues and asthmas. He felt hurt by his circumstances and “less than” because he didn’t see his other friends struggle. When he was 7, we went through a sad divorce and it hurt him deeply. He felt different and “less than” all over again. He was angry at God and then his lung issues at the end of high school led him down the path of addiction in college. He watched his friends graduate and move on. His life was different. There he was in a new city, in a long term rehab, being told his life would never be the same. He had a battle to fight that was unending. His life was not what he imagined. For almost four years he struggled in that battle feeling angry and sad. He was mad at God for allowing the obstacles to consume his life. He could only see the pain of his circumstances.

But then, he was reminded how courageous he was by one his doctors. He was fighting a battle. And yet, with each misstep and a persistence to work through it and try again, was becoming stronger. His journey was preparing him for not only this battle but for whatever else might be a challenge along his path. God was sending encouragement and support through others. He was teaching him strength by allowing his weaknesses and challenges to propel him forward. So, as he takes in that revelation, he is stronger, less angry, more present and even thankful for his circumstances and the people who have surrounded him. His message was one of recognizing and identifying the challenges that my niece might be experiencing. He reached out in support to my niece who might be seen as different by the other children and I’m sure has experienced some rejection. God must have stirred in my son a need to reach out to young cousin who is trying at age 13 to develop a sense of self and let her know that she is not alone. My son’s message to her was one of empathy, encouragement, and planting the seeds so that she will come to understand the depth of God’s love for her and the bigger work that is being done in her life through God. That is hard to understand at 13. But hopefully, his words will one day take root. I know at a minimum just the act of writing a long letter touched her. She will know she is not forgotten and is not alone in her struggles.

As I was thinking about this letter, the words “if only” came to me. If only we could see beyond our immediate circumstances to the greater picture. If only we could accept that God loves us through others and not be afraid to share our struggles. If only we could understand our value as a unique creation of God and not measure that value against someone else’s gifts, perceived blessings,or some homogenized version of a human existence. If only we knew how much a kind word or an encouragement could actually propel another sojourner along their path. And lastly, if only we could acknowledge and own our life’s path as a holy and wonderful experience meant to uncover the gifts that God intended us to share in this world. If only we knew…

I have just spent a wonderful weekend with a majority of my classmates from high school. As I mentioned at the beginning, it was nothing short of miraculous. The community of caring and support was almost indescribable. Where there may have cliques, the barriers had faded. Life certainly has a way of equalizing and changing one’s perspective. In retrospect, I know there were other people struggling in high school. There was a lot of hurt and insecurity that was kept below the surface. I think those years are about trying to develop a sense of self. Unfortunately, it seems it is easier to look left and right than inside. If only we knew that looking left and right was a ticket to insecurity, maybe we could have avoided some pain. If only I knew…

I had great friends but always felt “less than”. I had sadness, disappointments and pain. I worked very hard to cover it up. Early in my adult life, I struggled with the fact that my life wasn’t how I had envisioned it. I didn’t expect to be divorced with 3 very young children. I didn’t expect the level of difficulty and effort that would be required to work full time and mother full time. I didn’t expect to have children with health issues. I certainly didn’t expect to have addiction enter our lives and watch my son fight a battle that he had to do on his own. I grieved for the loss of what I had hoped my life would be for me and my children. At times, I am not sure I expected to survive it with grace, faith and joy. I just didn’t see a way. If only I knew…

Well, I have learned a lot through those challenges. Because I know now that God has a unique place for each of us in this world. His plans don’t look like ours but with his plan everything is possible and challenges can be used for good. I know now that weakness can lead to strength. Each challenge allows us the opportunity to develop our gifts and lead us along our unique path. I know now why God’s number one command is to love one another. It is in that exchange of love between neighbors that he provides support to deal with the challenges of the day. It is that love made real among us that encourages us and through which healing can take place. And I know that faith allows hope to enter in even when circumstances look dark. I know now there is more to the story and I am not alone.

I saw so many examples of how God uses others in a healing way this weekend as we all pulled together as a community. I personally got a lot of support for sharing our story. I thanked someone for his encouraging words. His comment to me was “if I encourage you, you will still be there encouraging me.” Love begets love. I know that and so does he. We had lost another beloved class mate in the last year. Because of that, one of our classmates, a special guy, sent out a heartfelt note to our class. He talked about how life throws up challenges and sometimes it doesn’t go as planned or as dreamed. But those “failures or challenges” are not as important as the relationships we have with people who knew us growing up. This was a time to gather and just connect and experience the love and support of that community. He encouraged people to come. I know there were people who had those concerns and reservations about attending. And just by that encouragement, I think he set the tone for the weekend. He followed his heart and something special happened. He knew…

What a blessing when there are points in life when the “if onlys” dissipate. The truth fills the space. We understand our value. And we are filled with the grace of knowing that our journey, our story, is unique and ordained. And, out of our challenges is an opportunity to connect and encourage another. A chance to be God’s love in this world! A chance to live your life knowing!

JP Class of ’81- You are special and an important part of my life- my story. Your stories that were shared brought laughter, encouragement, and healing. You are an inspiration! You are my community and that is a blessing! Thank you for this weekend!

Change takes Courage!

I have been off for two weeks and am now preparing to return to work, a schedule and a variety of responsibilities that have been on hold over the holidays. And as most of us do at this time, I have been doing some soul-searching about what I want my 2016 to be like- what changes I want to make.

Certainly, I would like to do better on the typical big 3. I definitely need to lose weight so will be starting that high protein, low sugar/carb diet again... If only I could manage to just keep that up 12 months of the year! The fall is a killer for me! I have started training again so that I can run my second half-marathon in New Orleans with my girlfriends in Feb. And certainly with 4 kids in college, managing my finances tightly is a must. Yes, I need those changes and they are hard to fully incorporate or they wouldn’t be on our resolution lists year after year. But this year what I am compelled to do is to focus less on the external circumstances and behavioral things but more about transforming the inside. I am taking a look at those things that are obstacles to loving relationships, my sense of peace, and my real trust in what the Lord is doing in my life. Truthfully, I still operate often out of fear rather than trust. That fear creates issues in a healthy expression of love. And, it is a destroyer of peace for sure.

I have this sense that my life is entering a new phase. Maybe it’s my 50-something age or the empty nest that began this fall. Regardless, for me it is kind of a foreboding feeling rather than a sense of excitement. Change can bring about excitement. But I have found it more often takes courage.

I am also keenly aware that I have friends who have come off a very difficult year. This life can be so painful. I have friends who are dealing with the death of a child, loss of a parent, Illness, relapses, financial challenges, and broken relationships. I am guessing that they are just trying to survive. They want relief from the pain. Sometimes change happens to us and just getting out of the bed and moving through the day takes courage.

I know that feeling well. A number of years ago, I was going through an extremely difficult time. I wrote a poem of sorts on New Year’s Day which I would like to share below:

And So, We Sit

As New Year’s Day draws to a close, I am trying to sort through the pain that I am feeling. I have ached before and did what I could to avoid it. This time I knew I had to sit with the ache. But sitting with the ache, what does that really mean? To me, it means putting your arms around it, experiencing it fully. It means not running.

And so, I sit.

I want to know that ache for to know that ache is to know me. The ache is found at my core and bubbles to the surface as anger sometimes but mostly fear and overwhelming sadness. At times, it has made me grab my chest and cry out and other times it hovers in the background. The ache itself feels heavy. There is a thickness that surrounds me and seems to slow or dull life around me.

Again, I sit.

It is my desire to acknowledge this part of me. I want to be authentic. I am passing from one year to the next. I have been wronged and that wound is still fresh. It is painful. But, I feel as though I need to spend time absorbing what the past year has dealt so that I can move through it to the next chapter in my story. To honor what God is doing in my life.

So, I sit and I honor.

And as I honor, I am reminded that God is good and I hope. It’s awesome that hope can lift you up even when you feel so weighed down. Truly out of weakness, comes strength. Out of the lowliest circumstances was born a baby to be our ultimate hope.

So, I sit and I hope.


I am God’s creation and he loves me. I will be courageous. I won’t run. I will savor my experiences and pain. I will trust God to stay by my side in the midst of the thickness, the darkness, and the pain.

And so, together We sit.


A new year can be exciting and a fresh start full of promise. But for many of us, the difficulties of the past year carry forward. It takes courage to embark on a new year. We may not feel we have choices but they are there. It takes courage to look for those. It often requires a need to look inside rather than at our circumstances. Our choices lie there. It takes courage to do that. And sometimes, we just can’t muster up the courage to move forward. Take heart, we don’t have to have courage. Our God has got it and he goes with us.

Dt 31: 6 tells us “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified…for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you or forsake you.” Sit with Him. Share your tears, your challenges, your fears and honor what he is doing in your life. Look for the evidence of his hand in leading you forward. He goes before you and with you. He is your strength and your courage. He is your hope. He can bring the peace that surpasses understanding.

I want peace. I want to rely on him and have joy in circumstances regardless of what they are. I don't want to live a life rooted in fear but one of courage. And, I want to be transformed. If you want to join me involve him in your resolutions for 2016. That is what I intend to do. I must trust in the fact that He is a redemptive, transformative God who loves you and he loves me and is working it all to the good. The circumstances are never too big or too difficult for Him. Join me this year in sitting with him quietly, focusing more on my heart than my circumstances, and trusting where He leads me.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen.

I run today’s path with strength and courage- His not mine! Happy New Year!