Be still and know that I am God…
The concept of being still and listening for God in the midst of our daily lives has been the topic that grabbed my attention this week. I was blessed the earlier part of the week to spend a few days with my girlfriends at the beach. For those of you who love the beach, close your eyes and I am sure you can hear the sounds of the waves coming in and out and the sounds of the seagulls. If you focus on listening to those sounds, I promise that you will slow your breathing and you will begin to hear even more… It is the place that I feel the closest to God.
The other blessing was stepping out of our day-to-day lives and responsibilities and just taking time to be together and to talk and laugh. As with old friends, our conversation ebbed and flowed. It moved from stories of our teenage years, to our children, to our challenges and concerns, and then back to old stories, again. A lot of shared life from our past was remembered. And, a lot of life that needed to shared even since last year’s beach trip was discussed. Even in the course of a year, life had brought many blessings and many challenges into the lives of these special women. We were still and we really listened.
I also ran across a blog entry from an old friend, JB, that touched my heart about listening to your life. It started with a quote from Frederick Buechner’s “Listening to your Life”. The excerpt was “Listen to your life. See ii for the fathomless mystery that it is. In the boredom and pain of it no less than in the excitement and gladness; touch, taste, smell, your way to the holy and hidden heart of it because in the last analysis all moments are key moments, and life itself is grace.” I acknowledge how easy it is for me to move along the surface, categorize circumstances as positive or negative, just focus on taking the next step or getting to some point on the calendar, and miss the depth of life all around me. I know that I don’t spend enough time living life in the realization of life as a mystery unfolding that God set in motion. Or, that all in life is an expression of grace.
So, I have stopped this week and intentionally took some moments to be still and listen. When I usually walk out on my deck, my first reaction is to look at the flower pots, see the watering and cleaning that needs to be done, and then glance out to the lake and enjoy the view for a minute and on to the next thing. I see the surface. This morning I decided to say my prayers out on the deck. I first closed my eyes and just listened. The quieter I got, the more I heard the individual voices in nature’s chorus. I could hear different songbirds, the buzz of different insects, the croak of the frogs, the birds landing on the water- God’s natural creation living together. And, I felt peace. It is amazing how God weaved together all this creation to sustain this world for his supreme creation, his children. It is such a picture of his love, creativity, and his grace.
When life feels out of control or God feels distant, take a minute to be still and listen to God’s natural creation. You will experience God…
As I had the opportunity to listen to the stories of my friends this week at the beach, I had the time to engage at a deeper level. To listen for the unsaid things. To listen for ways to reflect love back to them. I am trying to continue that awareness as I have returned back to life at work, at home, at swim meets, and so on…What I am seeing is that when you are listening, it opens your perspective and provides you the possibility to engage more deeply with those whom God has placed in your life. You can better hear their struggles and provide support or encouragement. You can hear what bouys their spirit and celebrate that. You can understand better what may drive behavior and be less critical or take responses less personally. That ability allows you to engage in a healthier relationship. In the end, you can better see people as God’s creation and ways to be God’s hands and feet to them and in this world.
So, even when you are busy, take a minute to be still and listen to God’s children. You will experience God and be able to reflect his love to others…
Lastly, God does speak to us. He speaks to us through nature, his children, his Word and his Spirit. We are his children and he is our Father. It is a personal relationship and a journey. And I believe that the more you listen, the more you see Him, the more peace you have and the more confidence to live your life. When I decided to write this blog, my prayer was that it would be helpful to others and glorifying to God. I do try to listen to what the Spirit is telling me. I do that better some weeks than others. This week after reading that blog I mentioned earlier and focusing on listening, I wrote some thoughts down yesterday but did not write the blog. I felt that I was not quite ready to write. This morning I decided that I would read my devotion, pray, and be still first before beginning to write. And God definitely spoke encouragement. My devotion was actually about stillness! I then prayed on my deck in the stillness. His nature made His presence palpable to me.
Finally, when you are caught up in the visible aspects of life, take a minute to be still and listen to God. You will experience God and rest in peace by focusing on the things that are unseen…
Recently, I talked to a mother who is in the really raw stage of dealing with her child’s addiction. Her pain brought tears to my eyes as I remember that pain so well. I was there not so long ago. Your world gets fixated on your child’s disease and the fear of the implications of that disease. Your world can get really small and dark. I can’t help but wonder if I had practiced being still and listening more that I would have been able to support my son earlier from a place of peace and not of fear. I have learned to do that more now. A family member of an addict especially a parent wants to “fix it”. But, what I am learning is that I cannot “fix it” but I can support it and be God’s hands if my eyes are focused on God rather than the disease. So, I will continue to be intentional about remembering his words to “Be still and know that I am God.” He is God. He created our loved ones. He loves them and walks their path right by their side. And focusing on that unseen but real love of God can bring peace.
I can’t finish without being thankful that many of us have had the great blessing to learn about the character of God the Father through our earthly father’s love.
So today, I run yearning to listen more and experience God the Father and in gratitude for my sweet father who has taught me much about love!
Sunday, June 15, 2014
Sunday, June 1, 2014
There is hope in the journey!
This week the great poet, Maya Angelou, passed away. And, as I was looking at some of her famous writings, this quote struck me in particular. “You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.” Our journeys can be hard and our stories difficult but we can choose how they are incorporated into our future. You see, it is not the external that defines us but the internal Spirit that weaves our circumstances and choices into a rich tapestry allowing us to learn compassion, love for others, love for ourselves, and faith in God. In Romans 8, we are promised that in trouble, hardship, and danger, we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. There is always hope in our journey!
I had the blessing this week of seeing evidence of God’s redemption in my family. This was my younger son’s graduation weekend and the extended family came together to celebrate the end of one era and the beginning of the next. And as we sat together at the table in a restaurant after a graduation, I looked around and just took in different cameos of our lives. My oldest was there with us as a part of the family, laughing, and looking very healthy and happy. I see physical and emotional healing… My ex-husband, his wife, and daughter were sitting next to my younger son and interacting as one large family with all of the extended family. I see relational healing… My parents were there and my Dad is gaining strength after his cancer surgery a month ago- more healing… And my youngest son sitting next to his sweet girlfriend and excited about his next phase after a year of transformation in his faith- pure redemptive healing. And as I looked at each of one around the table, my heart swelled with joy and hope. Believe me there was pain in the journey that got us to this point. Yes, we could have been reduced by the journey but we were not. We continue to be redeemed, healed and enriched. There is hope when the MESS from the pain of life becomes the MESSAGE of the hope of life!
So, with hope, my faith builds. And, I trust that God has each of us in his hands. I trust that his plan for us is underway and always has been. I trust that he will be our strength with each step on our journey. And, I trust that it has been perfectly laid out. This was reinforced in a precious discussion with my oldest last night. It had been at least a year and a half since he was at home over night and we could sit on our couch and just talk. And, we did just that. I will treasure that time. We talked through some old things but mostly what he has been learning as he continues his journey. In the past 6 months, not only has he been working his AA program, we included some additional therapy to hopefully address some other issues like anxiety and past hurts. He has found it very helpful and important to his personal growth and ability to move on with life. I made the comment that it was a shame that we did not do it earlier in his recovery process. His immediate reaction was that it was perfectly timed. He felt that he would not have been open or committed to it in the way that he is now earlier in the process. God perfectly placed that opportunity at the right place in his journey. My son is trusting God in the meaning of this journey and as Maya Angelou suggested is choosing not to be reduced by the difficulties of that journey. My son’s faith buoys mine!
So today, I know and I feel the hope in our journey. And, my hope is that anyone reading this today who is discouraged or fearful will see the hope in mine and choose to look for the hope in theirs and not be reduced by their circumstances. God is able to provide hope in any circumstance!
Today, I will definitely run with hope. And, as a celebration of younger son’s continued journey, I will leave you with my prayer for the graduate!
My Prayer for Tyler- Graduation Day
God bless my son, your precious one,
My gift, my heart, our lives soon to part.
His time to grow into a man;
His time to live out your plan.
My heart so full and yet it aches.
My heart leaps for joy and then it breaks.
Our time together is drawing to an end.
And into the world, we gratefully send
A special young man whom God specifically created
To live in this world and learn how to change it.
He taught me love and made me laugh.
His kind heart and warm embrace
Have graced my life and can never be replaced.
I’ve seen a boy turn into a man
With a love for God and a developing plan
To touch the hearts of even more
Through worship and love, he has much in store;
A life of richness and of joy.
A man, yes, but always my boy;
So, I’ll let him go and leave the nest
For I know for him, God holds the best.
A life planned forward just for him.
A life to love and give away
The goodness and soul of this precious child.
So, it is now his special day
To celebrate a life lived well with lots of friends and stories to tell.
But now a new season begins to unfold;
A life of stories yet to be told.
This mom stands proud watching him walk
Knowing that he still has much to be taught.
But now it’s time to trust the Lord
To walk his path and guide him forward.
For when he doesn’t have a clue,
Our God always knows just what to do.
And when he doesn’t feel quite able,
Our God’s strength will always make him capable.
For he was HIS first before he was mine.
Now I get to watch the plan of the Divine
Lived out in the life of my precious son.
I now cheer for his new life begun.
So, I send you off, Tyler, with all of my love.
You are my gift from our God above.
I will watch with great anticipation
As you move through life’s next station.
Learn a lot, take chances,
love well, have faith and be thankful.
And, my son, I will pray for you every day.
And, even though we are apart,
You will forever be my heart.
So, God bless my son, your precious one,
My gift, my heart, our lives soon to part.
His time to grow into a man;
His time to live out your plan.
And on my knees, today I give thanks
That I was the very one
Whom you chose to be his Mom.
Tyler, all my love on your graduation day!
I had the blessing this week of seeing evidence of God’s redemption in my family. This was my younger son’s graduation weekend and the extended family came together to celebrate the end of one era and the beginning of the next. And as we sat together at the table in a restaurant after a graduation, I looked around and just took in different cameos of our lives. My oldest was there with us as a part of the family, laughing, and looking very healthy and happy. I see physical and emotional healing… My ex-husband, his wife, and daughter were sitting next to my younger son and interacting as one large family with all of the extended family. I see relational healing… My parents were there and my Dad is gaining strength after his cancer surgery a month ago- more healing… And my youngest son sitting next to his sweet girlfriend and excited about his next phase after a year of transformation in his faith- pure redemptive healing. And as I looked at each of one around the table, my heart swelled with joy and hope. Believe me there was pain in the journey that got us to this point. Yes, we could have been reduced by the journey but we were not. We continue to be redeemed, healed and enriched. There is hope when the MESS from the pain of life becomes the MESSAGE of the hope of life!
So, with hope, my faith builds. And, I trust that God has each of us in his hands. I trust that his plan for us is underway and always has been. I trust that he will be our strength with each step on our journey. And, I trust that it has been perfectly laid out. This was reinforced in a precious discussion with my oldest last night. It had been at least a year and a half since he was at home over night and we could sit on our couch and just talk. And, we did just that. I will treasure that time. We talked through some old things but mostly what he has been learning as he continues his journey. In the past 6 months, not only has he been working his AA program, we included some additional therapy to hopefully address some other issues like anxiety and past hurts. He has found it very helpful and important to his personal growth and ability to move on with life. I made the comment that it was a shame that we did not do it earlier in his recovery process. His immediate reaction was that it was perfectly timed. He felt that he would not have been open or committed to it in the way that he is now earlier in the process. God perfectly placed that opportunity at the right place in his journey. My son is trusting God in the meaning of this journey and as Maya Angelou suggested is choosing not to be reduced by the difficulties of that journey. My son’s faith buoys mine!
So today, I know and I feel the hope in our journey. And, my hope is that anyone reading this today who is discouraged or fearful will see the hope in mine and choose to look for the hope in theirs and not be reduced by their circumstances. God is able to provide hope in any circumstance!
Today, I will definitely run with hope. And, as a celebration of younger son’s continued journey, I will leave you with my prayer for the graduate!
My Prayer for Tyler- Graduation Day
God bless my son, your precious one,
My gift, my heart, our lives soon to part.
His time to grow into a man;
His time to live out your plan.
My heart so full and yet it aches.
My heart leaps for joy and then it breaks.
Our time together is drawing to an end.
And into the world, we gratefully send
A special young man whom God specifically created
To live in this world and learn how to change it.
He taught me love and made me laugh.
His kind heart and warm embrace
Have graced my life and can never be replaced.
I’ve seen a boy turn into a man
With a love for God and a developing plan
To touch the hearts of even more
Through worship and love, he has much in store;
A life of richness and of joy.
A man, yes, but always my boy;
So, I’ll let him go and leave the nest
For I know for him, God holds the best.
A life planned forward just for him.
A life to love and give away
The goodness and soul of this precious child.
So, it is now his special day
To celebrate a life lived well with lots of friends and stories to tell.
But now a new season begins to unfold;
A life of stories yet to be told.
This mom stands proud watching him walk
Knowing that he still has much to be taught.
But now it’s time to trust the Lord
To walk his path and guide him forward.
For when he doesn’t have a clue,
Our God always knows just what to do.
And when he doesn’t feel quite able,
Our God’s strength will always make him capable.
For he was HIS first before he was mine.
Now I get to watch the plan of the Divine
Lived out in the life of my precious son.
I now cheer for his new life begun.
So, I send you off, Tyler, with all of my love.
You are my gift from our God above.
I will watch with great anticipation
As you move through life’s next station.
Learn a lot, take chances,
love well, have faith and be thankful.
And, my son, I will pray for you every day.
And, even though we are apart,
You will forever be my heart.
So, God bless my son, your precious one,
My gift, my heart, our lives soon to part.
His time to grow into a man;
His time to live out your plan.
And on my knees, today I give thanks
That I was the very one
Whom you chose to be his Mom.
Tyler, all my love on your graduation day!
Sunday, May 25, 2014
Thank God that he is the Perfect Parent
Last week, my heart skipped a beat when the news reported 7 Heroin overdoses in one day in the area surrounding High Point, NC just an hour or so away. SEVEN IN ONE DAY… To put that in perspective, there were a total of 25 overdoses in 2013 in the same area with 17 being related to Heroin. At this point in 2014, there are a total of 34 overdoses with 31 attributed to Heroin. The Police Chief went on to report the connection with pain medicine and that it is found in all areas, all schools, and all social-economic areas. It knows no boundaries and introduces great danger into the lives of those who use. We have an epidemic and we all need to be talking about it. And, not just among ourselves but with our kids. Danger surrounds them…
This news added fuel to the fire of my fears this week. My second son graduates next Saturday. And although I am excited for him, the tears come up quickly. And the question that I have been wrestling with is whether I have truly prepared him to leave home and move into the world full time. He has chosen the University of South Carolina just like his older brother. When my oldest went off, I was really excited for him and somehow naïve to the dangers out there. When he returned home in May after four years, he was in full blown addiction. His life was a mess. The hard thing is that it started right in front of me. You see he was in and out of the hospital over 5 months with a lung issue. The last 15 days were after he was in college. At that time, his addiction took a hold. I watched them as they administered pain meds non-stop including a morphine pump at his discretion. Not seeing the danger clearly, I just wanted him to be relieved of the pain he was experiencing. And, I left him at his dorm with a prescription and no oversight. He was not prepared for the danger nor was I… But, God was watching.
Now, I know that every person is different and drugs are available on every college campus. And, I hope that my second son has learned enough through the painful lessons that we have all experienced with addiction that he understands the danger. But, what else could happen for which I have not equipped him over the last 18 years. What other dangers are my eyes closed to. Our generation is known for being over involved as parents. We allowed our children to be scheduled to the hilt and then managed it for them. We intervene when things don’t go as planned in a class or club. We helped or did their projects. And, we review or write every essay for college applications. We do our best not to let them fail. I once heard a professor from a good private college in NC suggest that we are disabling our children to deal with real life. She went on to comment that her students who came with great grades and test scores could not manage to organize their lives around the details of their class syllabi. They would come asking a million questions and totally overwhelmed. In some cases, their mothers called to talk through the class requirements. Certainly, these coping strategies don’t work very well when they get to the world of work. Just as our intervention is a danger to their ability to operate in this world easily, what pain we may have been prevented for our children multiplies later in life when faced with big challenges.
As my younger son headed off on his weekend camping trip with his high school friends between exams and graduation, tears streamed down my face as I watched him drive off. How could the time have flown by so quickly? Where had I let him down as a flawed parent? What else could I have taught him that would have prepared him better to leave the nest? And, what consequences did I protect him from out of love that would provide challenges to him later?
I think back to the smiling faces that surrounded my life in college with expectations of what life would be for us after college. We were not prepared for what would happen over the years- death of a roommate, divorce, abuse, children with disabilities, heart attacks in 30’s, cancer, and on and on… Although, I don’t think our parents intentionally prepared us for those events. I can see where God worked within our circumstances to provide. That is my hope today!
There was a time that I had a reoccurring dream that one of my children died and I was trying to plan for the service. Each time I had that dream I woke up in tears begging that God would not ask that of me. I hoped it was some subconscious fear because all of my children had dealt with a health issues at some point. But, it would leave me unsettled and I would often refer back to the Bible to the story of Abraham and Isaac. After all those years of infertility, God gave Isaac to Abraham and Sarah and then asked for him back as a sacrifice. Danger at its ultimate- death. Seems unfathomable! But, Abraham trusted in God and did what was asked of him. And, in the end, God provided for Isaac’s life. Abraham called that place “The Lord will Provide” and God blessed his faith with a promise that his descendants would be as numerous as the stars. God had much bigger plans and called Abraham to trust him. I used to look at the story and take it a bit too literally as if death of a child was the only application of this story. Over the last few years, when I have been fearful for my children whether it was a big as addiction or more routine challenges with a class or friends, I have envisioned placing my children on God’s alter trusting that God will provide perfectly when I did not know how to. I have had to trust God to care for them through life’s lessons providing what they needed to live out his plan for them. And, I had to trust that God could see the dangers that I did not and walk by my children’s side through those dangers.
God specifically placed these precious people temporarily in my hands. He will teach them things through me just as he teaches your children through you. That includes the good and the bad. We are all imperfect. But, we are reminded that they are His. He is the Perfect Parent. If we could teach our kids some sort of formula that allowed them to perfectly execute life on this earth, then there would be no need for faith. But life is a journey- a transformation and a chance to learn about God’s character and what we were created to do on this earth. We, as parents, have hopes for our children but that is a human perspective and not all that God created them to be or to do. Our view of happiness and impact is so limited. And, God’s is beyond our feeble imagination. So, why would we keep them from discovering all that God has for them? I held on to my oldest for so long thinking I could help him and make things better. It was not until I lovingly gave his over to his Perfect Parent, God, that progress was made in both of our lives. He was my Isaac…
So, as I think about the next month or so that I will still have with my second son, I will continue to look for times to share wisdom that I have gained along the way. Wisdom beyond the basics like studying and finances but about life. The opportunities that will be available to explore who he was created to be. The opportunities to learn from mistakes. The opportunities to love and give to others. The opportunity to build his faith!
My prayer for all of us who have children graduating is that we will use our time wisely before they leave. It is never too late to teach them. That we will pray for them to be open to all the richness that God has to teach them in this next season of life. It is never too late to acknowledge that God has a bigger and better plan for them. That we will build our faith on Abraham’s example and trust that “God will provide”. It is never too late to trust God for anything including our children!
Today, I will run with relief that I don’t have to be a perfect parent. They have already have one- Thank God!!!
This news added fuel to the fire of my fears this week. My second son graduates next Saturday. And although I am excited for him, the tears come up quickly. And the question that I have been wrestling with is whether I have truly prepared him to leave home and move into the world full time. He has chosen the University of South Carolina just like his older brother. When my oldest went off, I was really excited for him and somehow naïve to the dangers out there. When he returned home in May after four years, he was in full blown addiction. His life was a mess. The hard thing is that it started right in front of me. You see he was in and out of the hospital over 5 months with a lung issue. The last 15 days were after he was in college. At that time, his addiction took a hold. I watched them as they administered pain meds non-stop including a morphine pump at his discretion. Not seeing the danger clearly, I just wanted him to be relieved of the pain he was experiencing. And, I left him at his dorm with a prescription and no oversight. He was not prepared for the danger nor was I… But, God was watching.
Now, I know that every person is different and drugs are available on every college campus. And, I hope that my second son has learned enough through the painful lessons that we have all experienced with addiction that he understands the danger. But, what else could happen for which I have not equipped him over the last 18 years. What other dangers are my eyes closed to. Our generation is known for being over involved as parents. We allowed our children to be scheduled to the hilt and then managed it for them. We intervene when things don’t go as planned in a class or club. We helped or did their projects. And, we review or write every essay for college applications. We do our best not to let them fail. I once heard a professor from a good private college in NC suggest that we are disabling our children to deal with real life. She went on to comment that her students who came with great grades and test scores could not manage to organize their lives around the details of their class syllabi. They would come asking a million questions and totally overwhelmed. In some cases, their mothers called to talk through the class requirements. Certainly, these coping strategies don’t work very well when they get to the world of work. Just as our intervention is a danger to their ability to operate in this world easily, what pain we may have been prevented for our children multiplies later in life when faced with big challenges.
As my younger son headed off on his weekend camping trip with his high school friends between exams and graduation, tears streamed down my face as I watched him drive off. How could the time have flown by so quickly? Where had I let him down as a flawed parent? What else could I have taught him that would have prepared him better to leave the nest? And, what consequences did I protect him from out of love that would provide challenges to him later?
I think back to the smiling faces that surrounded my life in college with expectations of what life would be for us after college. We were not prepared for what would happen over the years- death of a roommate, divorce, abuse, children with disabilities, heart attacks in 30’s, cancer, and on and on… Although, I don’t think our parents intentionally prepared us for those events. I can see where God worked within our circumstances to provide. That is my hope today!
There was a time that I had a reoccurring dream that one of my children died and I was trying to plan for the service. Each time I had that dream I woke up in tears begging that God would not ask that of me. I hoped it was some subconscious fear because all of my children had dealt with a health issues at some point. But, it would leave me unsettled and I would often refer back to the Bible to the story of Abraham and Isaac. After all those years of infertility, God gave Isaac to Abraham and Sarah and then asked for him back as a sacrifice. Danger at its ultimate- death. Seems unfathomable! But, Abraham trusted in God and did what was asked of him. And, in the end, God provided for Isaac’s life. Abraham called that place “The Lord will Provide” and God blessed his faith with a promise that his descendants would be as numerous as the stars. God had much bigger plans and called Abraham to trust him. I used to look at the story and take it a bit too literally as if death of a child was the only application of this story. Over the last few years, when I have been fearful for my children whether it was a big as addiction or more routine challenges with a class or friends, I have envisioned placing my children on God’s alter trusting that God will provide perfectly when I did not know how to. I have had to trust God to care for them through life’s lessons providing what they needed to live out his plan for them. And, I had to trust that God could see the dangers that I did not and walk by my children’s side through those dangers.
God specifically placed these precious people temporarily in my hands. He will teach them things through me just as he teaches your children through you. That includes the good and the bad. We are all imperfect. But, we are reminded that they are His. He is the Perfect Parent. If we could teach our kids some sort of formula that allowed them to perfectly execute life on this earth, then there would be no need for faith. But life is a journey- a transformation and a chance to learn about God’s character and what we were created to do on this earth. We, as parents, have hopes for our children but that is a human perspective and not all that God created them to be or to do. Our view of happiness and impact is so limited. And, God’s is beyond our feeble imagination. So, why would we keep them from discovering all that God has for them? I held on to my oldest for so long thinking I could help him and make things better. It was not until I lovingly gave his over to his Perfect Parent, God, that progress was made in both of our lives. He was my Isaac…
So, as I think about the next month or so that I will still have with my second son, I will continue to look for times to share wisdom that I have gained along the way. Wisdom beyond the basics like studying and finances but about life. The opportunities that will be available to explore who he was created to be. The opportunities to learn from mistakes. The opportunities to love and give to others. The opportunity to build his faith!
My prayer for all of us who have children graduating is that we will use our time wisely before they leave. It is never too late to teach them. That we will pray for them to be open to all the richness that God has to teach them in this next season of life. It is never too late to acknowledge that God has a bigger and better plan for them. That we will build our faith on Abraham’s example and trust that “God will provide”. It is never too late to trust God for anything including our children!
Today, I will run with relief that I don’t have to be a perfect parent. They have already have one- Thank God!!!
Sunday, May 18, 2014
The gift of extraordinary
I am writing today on the morning of my 51st birthday. I got a note first thing from an old friend asking if this was a big birthday or a little one. I joked back that after the big one last year that they are all big going forward… But, as I drank my coffee this morning, I began to think about the prior year. I was fortunate last year to get to spend time with my girlfriends on three different beach trips- one with my college roommates, one with my high school friends and one with my local friends. It was wonderful to get to celebrate with the women who have really been the fabric of my life. Believe me, there was lots of laughter and joy and a few tears when we touched on some of life’s challenges over the years. Life certainly takes some unanticipated and painful turns. I remember thinking after those trips that I had not had any kind of epiphany of how I need to shift my life over the next decade. But, I was incredibly grateful about the time spent with these special people and what I saw on my horizon- a missions trip to Africa with my son and his last year in high school, my oldest going back to college, my youngest and her many interests and visits to Ole Miss to see my daughter. There were a lot of milestones happening. I had a plan and it was unfolding or what I would later learn unraveling in certain places.
We tend to acknowledge milestones. It gives us an indication of progression towards our plan and affirmation that we are taking the right steps to get where we want to go. Don’t get me wrong that is not all bad but it all lies in our perception and motivations. This has been a couple of weeks or so of milestones for our family. My baby turned 17. We attended senior night for my son as he winds down school and focuses on heading to college. My daughter finished her sophomore year in college. I surpassed my halfway goal of running 1000 miles in a year. And finally, my oldest received his 6 month chip for 6 months of sobriety and finished his first semester back in school. And with each of these, brings a new set of actions and expectations. We make our plans and move forward.
But, life doesn’t always play out according to our plans. If I went back to my early adult age and articulated my expectations of life, it would have been an enhanced version of how I grew up. I would have wanted to replicate many things and change a few things to ensure more peace and happiness. I would have built on what I knew or what I considered normal. The picture would have been a lovely house, nice yard, kids who loved to study, wonderful dinner time conversations, and a mom (me) who had it all under control. I didn’t foresee the piles that stack up in the corner of the bedrooms, the ongoing battle with weeds in the yard, the constant reminding kids of their responsibilities, and the anxiety that comes with remembering to write some check or fill out some form for school on the last possible day to turn it in. I look around and see all that I have not done and feel I am barely keeping it together on most days. Believe me, my original plan certainly wouldn’t have included that or the death of one of my best friends, divorce, health issues for my children, financial loss when my employer went under, miscarriages, or addiction. You see our plans are not HIS plans and our ways or not HIS ways.
There are days when that reality smacks me right in the face. At that point, I have a choice to make. I love a quote from Mother Theresa that says, “Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today, Let us begin.” The danger to focusing on the past is that we live with sadness or regret and miss today. The danger of living focused on the future is that we live with fear and anxiety and miss today. And, today is all we have. If we miss today, we miss the ability to listen for where God is directing us, we miss the gifts and glimpses of God’s hand at work and we miss the ability to be God’s face and hands in this world…
Clearly, God is working in and through us regardless of our human weaknesses. So, when our perspective is skewed, he will teach us. When we are under pressure because life hits us with something we did not plan for, he will help us. And when we make mistakes, he will redeem them. It is through pressure that he calls us back to the truth that he is in control. And he has better plans than we can ever imagine. With God, all things are possible. I love that because it is bigger than the statement nothing is impossible. Using “impossible” says to me that anything within my human realm of thinking could happen. But everything is possible says to me that things beyond our wildest imagination are available to us through God. His Plan, His Power, and His Love provide for a rich life. Why do we choose to look at life through our small plans, our limited power, and our imperfect love? I wouldn’t have written my story with all the pain from the hardships that I have experienced. And yet, if I open my eyes to what has come from those and the experiences that I have gained, I see that God was at work to bring about something much bigger. CS Lewis said, “Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny.”
I mentioned at the beginning that at my 50th, I saw a plan unfolding, my plan. But my plan was really unraveling. My oldest was headed back to school which was relief to me and then he had his relapse. My other son was going through some personal turmoil. My daughter’s friends were beginning to make difficult choices…We were not on auto pilot towards my plan. But God was still in control. He turned a crisis for our family and my son into recovery. He provided the courage that allowed me a voice in these struggles through this running project and blog. With that voice has come a myriad of new connections and paths for my life that have enriched my life more than I can describe. My other son has learned courage to stand for his faith and has a much better foundation heading off to college. His life is being transformed. My daughter is learning big lessons by watching others. None of this would have happened without the pressure that comes when life moves outside our “ordinary” plans. Thank goodness that God didn’t leave me with ordinary but blessed me with extraordinary. I can look back and see how he has provided. No, I wouldn’t have planned for a divorce but was blessed with another daughter when I remarried. I would not have chosen to go through the loss of an employer but I was given a trip to China to speak and new opportunities. That was the beginning of my love for international experiences and led me to many other experiences like my trip to Africa. Those are “extraordinary” experiences that would have never been in my “ordinary” plan. I would not have chosen to have my son dealing with the pain of addiction but it has taught both of us so much and connected us to others through our shared experience. It is now my life's passion to educate and support.
I was talking to my oldest about milestones and how God’s plan is different than ours. He was happy about the 6 months but more interested on getting to 9 months. And even more importantly, he does not want to become complacent so it is a daily thing for him. He cannot dwell on the past and or focus too much on the future. With addiction, he has to be focused on the present. It is about one day at a time. He also mentioned that the AA big book talks about how we live our lives like we are the directors of a grand play and if everyone would do as we would have them, our lives would be much better. We then realize that this is not reality and that God has been the director the whole time. So, on my 51st birthday, I will reflect on the past with a spirit of learning and gratitude and look to the future with the hope that God has “extraordinary” things for my life. And, I will pray that I will live my life today not without a plan but a plan with openness to what God wants for me and what he created me to do. I will live my life with an expectancy and excitement (and relief) that God is in control.
So today, I will run with 500 miles under my belt and with gratitude for the extraordinary!
We tend to acknowledge milestones. It gives us an indication of progression towards our plan and affirmation that we are taking the right steps to get where we want to go. Don’t get me wrong that is not all bad but it all lies in our perception and motivations. This has been a couple of weeks or so of milestones for our family. My baby turned 17. We attended senior night for my son as he winds down school and focuses on heading to college. My daughter finished her sophomore year in college. I surpassed my halfway goal of running 1000 miles in a year. And finally, my oldest received his 6 month chip for 6 months of sobriety and finished his first semester back in school. And with each of these, brings a new set of actions and expectations. We make our plans and move forward.
But, life doesn’t always play out according to our plans. If I went back to my early adult age and articulated my expectations of life, it would have been an enhanced version of how I grew up. I would have wanted to replicate many things and change a few things to ensure more peace and happiness. I would have built on what I knew or what I considered normal. The picture would have been a lovely house, nice yard, kids who loved to study, wonderful dinner time conversations, and a mom (me) who had it all under control. I didn’t foresee the piles that stack up in the corner of the bedrooms, the ongoing battle with weeds in the yard, the constant reminding kids of their responsibilities, and the anxiety that comes with remembering to write some check or fill out some form for school on the last possible day to turn it in. I look around and see all that I have not done and feel I am barely keeping it together on most days. Believe me, my original plan certainly wouldn’t have included that or the death of one of my best friends, divorce, health issues for my children, financial loss when my employer went under, miscarriages, or addiction. You see our plans are not HIS plans and our ways or not HIS ways.
There are days when that reality smacks me right in the face. At that point, I have a choice to make. I love a quote from Mother Theresa that says, “Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today, Let us begin.” The danger to focusing on the past is that we live with sadness or regret and miss today. The danger of living focused on the future is that we live with fear and anxiety and miss today. And, today is all we have. If we miss today, we miss the ability to listen for where God is directing us, we miss the gifts and glimpses of God’s hand at work and we miss the ability to be God’s face and hands in this world…
Clearly, God is working in and through us regardless of our human weaknesses. So, when our perspective is skewed, he will teach us. When we are under pressure because life hits us with something we did not plan for, he will help us. And when we make mistakes, he will redeem them. It is through pressure that he calls us back to the truth that he is in control. And he has better plans than we can ever imagine. With God, all things are possible. I love that because it is bigger than the statement nothing is impossible. Using “impossible” says to me that anything within my human realm of thinking could happen. But everything is possible says to me that things beyond our wildest imagination are available to us through God. His Plan, His Power, and His Love provide for a rich life. Why do we choose to look at life through our small plans, our limited power, and our imperfect love? I wouldn’t have written my story with all the pain from the hardships that I have experienced. And yet, if I open my eyes to what has come from those and the experiences that I have gained, I see that God was at work to bring about something much bigger. CS Lewis said, “Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny.”
I mentioned at the beginning that at my 50th, I saw a plan unfolding, my plan. But my plan was really unraveling. My oldest was headed back to school which was relief to me and then he had his relapse. My other son was going through some personal turmoil. My daughter’s friends were beginning to make difficult choices…We were not on auto pilot towards my plan. But God was still in control. He turned a crisis for our family and my son into recovery. He provided the courage that allowed me a voice in these struggles through this running project and blog. With that voice has come a myriad of new connections and paths for my life that have enriched my life more than I can describe. My other son has learned courage to stand for his faith and has a much better foundation heading off to college. His life is being transformed. My daughter is learning big lessons by watching others. None of this would have happened without the pressure that comes when life moves outside our “ordinary” plans. Thank goodness that God didn’t leave me with ordinary but blessed me with extraordinary. I can look back and see how he has provided. No, I wouldn’t have planned for a divorce but was blessed with another daughter when I remarried. I would not have chosen to go through the loss of an employer but I was given a trip to China to speak and new opportunities. That was the beginning of my love for international experiences and led me to many other experiences like my trip to Africa. Those are “extraordinary” experiences that would have never been in my “ordinary” plan. I would not have chosen to have my son dealing with the pain of addiction but it has taught both of us so much and connected us to others through our shared experience. It is now my life's passion to educate and support.
I was talking to my oldest about milestones and how God’s plan is different than ours. He was happy about the 6 months but more interested on getting to 9 months. And even more importantly, he does not want to become complacent so it is a daily thing for him. He cannot dwell on the past and or focus too much on the future. With addiction, he has to be focused on the present. It is about one day at a time. He also mentioned that the AA big book talks about how we live our lives like we are the directors of a grand play and if everyone would do as we would have them, our lives would be much better. We then realize that this is not reality and that God has been the director the whole time. So, on my 51st birthday, I will reflect on the past with a spirit of learning and gratitude and look to the future with the hope that God has “extraordinary” things for my life. And, I will pray that I will live my life today not without a plan but a plan with openness to what God wants for me and what he created me to do. I will live my life with an expectancy and excitement (and relief) that God is in control.
So today, I will run with 500 miles under my belt and with gratitude for the extraordinary!
Saturday, May 10, 2014
Always flowers in the valleys
Ps 23:4 “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”
Life is definitely full of peaks and valleys. It seems over the past couple of weeks that I have seen my family, friends, and others experiencing valley after valley. Every day it seems there has been a new challenge or tragedy ranging from tornados, death, divorce, depression, addiction, surgery, cancer and chemo. I have seen, heard, and felt the fear, grief, and the pain. But that’s not all; I have also seen the courage especially when those struggling are able to look beyond their actual circumstances to the gifts available but sometimes hidden.
One of the difficulties in the past two weeks struck close to home. My Dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer and the best option for him given the aggressiveness of his cancer was to have surgery. For various reasons, he was initially not considered a good candidate for surgery. He was required to go through different tests before they would approve his surgery. He passed those and was allowed to have the surgery which happened a week or so ago. All was successful and his additional biopsies were clean even though his prostate was almost completely involved with cancer. And now, he is focused on recovery. Praise God!
As we met with the doctor the morning of the surgery, Dad said, “I am in your capable hands and God’s”. The doctor’s response back to my father was that it was mostly God’s. He spoke such truth. The other part of this story was God’s care and preparation in advance of this diagnosis. You see my Dad had open heart surgery and a stroke following that surgery a few years ago which was a negative for additional surgery. In the past year, he decided to really focus on his health. So, he has been on a training program and has lost a lot of weight. He was in very good physical condition which helped him get approval to take the surgical option. Also, for other reasons, he has a blood test every quarter. In one quarter, his PSAs tripled which allowed them to catch the cancer quickly. Surgery early in the development of this cancer likely prevented it from spreading. God was gracious to my Dad and my family.
Yes, our outcome was positive. But even if it had not been positive, it would not have meant that God isn't gracious in his support and comfort. There was a Facebook post after the tornados that swept through MS, AK, and AL, that reinforced that God was not just with the people who survived unscathed but also with those who lost possessions, family and even their own lives. I don’t propose to know why God allows such tragedy but I do hang on with everything I have that he never lets us go. He doesn’t let go in circumstances that occur beyond our control like a tornado or cancer. He doesn’t let go when we make harmful choices and face difficult consequences. He doesn’t let go when we succumb to addiction, depression, or total self-reliance. Yes, he certainly blesses us in our peaks, but I believe his real love is revealed when he doesn’t let go in the valleys. We just sometimes don’t look for it.
When I sit down to write each week, there is usually something that has struck me during the week. When it sticks with me, I know that it should then be my topic for the week’s blog. On my drive home after my Dad’s surgery, I was thinking about all the tragedy I had heard or seen in the past days, the painful conversations that I had been having with friends. Lots of valleys- and the image of a valley with flowers kept coming to mind. You see there are always flowers in valleys. Even though I knew I needed to write about this, I couldn’t figure out what I really needed to say or what God was speaking to me. And so, I have waited to get clarity.
Then it occurred to me, the flowers are glimpses of God’s power, his love and his comfort even in the darkest of valleys. Sometimes, when things are stripped away and the world’s trappings are eliminated, we are reminded what is really important. It is our relationships- Relationships with our family, friends, those who live and work around us, those in need, and mostly with our God. We get a chance to see God work in and through others- more flowers. We get to see God-given courage. Courage evidenced in a sign propped up against rubble that used to be homes that says, “We praise you in the storm”. Courage of a college swimmer who lost his life as he held up a falling retaining wall allowing his girlfriend to survive. Courage of a mother who expresses her gratitude from a hospital bed amid her grief for the time she had with her young sons whom she had just lost in the storm. Courage of a woman facing chemotherapy again asking for prayer that God be glorified in every step. Courage of a mother sending a child to the best rehab center that she can find. God-inspired courage- flowers in the valley. The same courage that Jesus received as he prayed “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me, yet not my will, but yours be done.” Even in the face of death, God sent his angels to appear before Christ and strengthened him. More flowers in the valley. Lam 3:19-22 “I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet I call to mind and therefore I have hope. Because of the Lord’s great love, we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail…” God’s hope, love, and compassion- God's Grace and precious Flowers in the valley…
I think back to my valleys over the years. Yes, there were always flowers in the valley. Those flowers appeared in how the Holy Spirit taught me and strengthened my faith. Those flowers were my precious children who were both born to me and given to me through marriage. Flowers at work that allowed me to be financially secure despite divorce or corporate failure. Flowers in my girlfriends who have filled the gap with my kids when my work kept me on the road. Flowers when my sister showed up unasked at one of the saddest times of my life, and a whole flower garden resulting from my mother’s love and support through every peak and valley. The faith she taught me growing up, the support she has provided over the years especially when I needed help caring for my kids as a single mom, and the example of love that she provides every day. I see and experience Christ in my mother’s love. A life full of flowers!
So today, I honor my mother. And I honor the gift that God is in all- peaks and valleys. I am thankful that there are always flowers in the valley!!!
So, I run for all the mothers who are the flowers to their children. And, I run for those who are struggling in the valley at this moment. May you fear no evil and may you experience HIS presence and comfort! And may you see the flowers in the valley!
Life is definitely full of peaks and valleys. It seems over the past couple of weeks that I have seen my family, friends, and others experiencing valley after valley. Every day it seems there has been a new challenge or tragedy ranging from tornados, death, divorce, depression, addiction, surgery, cancer and chemo. I have seen, heard, and felt the fear, grief, and the pain. But that’s not all; I have also seen the courage especially when those struggling are able to look beyond their actual circumstances to the gifts available but sometimes hidden.
One of the difficulties in the past two weeks struck close to home. My Dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer and the best option for him given the aggressiveness of his cancer was to have surgery. For various reasons, he was initially not considered a good candidate for surgery. He was required to go through different tests before they would approve his surgery. He passed those and was allowed to have the surgery which happened a week or so ago. All was successful and his additional biopsies were clean even though his prostate was almost completely involved with cancer. And now, he is focused on recovery. Praise God!
As we met with the doctor the morning of the surgery, Dad said, “I am in your capable hands and God’s”. The doctor’s response back to my father was that it was mostly God’s. He spoke such truth. The other part of this story was God’s care and preparation in advance of this diagnosis. You see my Dad had open heart surgery and a stroke following that surgery a few years ago which was a negative for additional surgery. In the past year, he decided to really focus on his health. So, he has been on a training program and has lost a lot of weight. He was in very good physical condition which helped him get approval to take the surgical option. Also, for other reasons, he has a blood test every quarter. In one quarter, his PSAs tripled which allowed them to catch the cancer quickly. Surgery early in the development of this cancer likely prevented it from spreading. God was gracious to my Dad and my family.
Yes, our outcome was positive. But even if it had not been positive, it would not have meant that God isn't gracious in his support and comfort. There was a Facebook post after the tornados that swept through MS, AK, and AL, that reinforced that God was not just with the people who survived unscathed but also with those who lost possessions, family and even their own lives. I don’t propose to know why God allows such tragedy but I do hang on with everything I have that he never lets us go. He doesn’t let go in circumstances that occur beyond our control like a tornado or cancer. He doesn’t let go when we make harmful choices and face difficult consequences. He doesn’t let go when we succumb to addiction, depression, or total self-reliance. Yes, he certainly blesses us in our peaks, but I believe his real love is revealed when he doesn’t let go in the valleys. We just sometimes don’t look for it.
When I sit down to write each week, there is usually something that has struck me during the week. When it sticks with me, I know that it should then be my topic for the week’s blog. On my drive home after my Dad’s surgery, I was thinking about all the tragedy I had heard or seen in the past days, the painful conversations that I had been having with friends. Lots of valleys- and the image of a valley with flowers kept coming to mind. You see there are always flowers in valleys. Even though I knew I needed to write about this, I couldn’t figure out what I really needed to say or what God was speaking to me. And so, I have waited to get clarity.
Then it occurred to me, the flowers are glimpses of God’s power, his love and his comfort even in the darkest of valleys. Sometimes, when things are stripped away and the world’s trappings are eliminated, we are reminded what is really important. It is our relationships- Relationships with our family, friends, those who live and work around us, those in need, and mostly with our God. We get a chance to see God work in and through others- more flowers. We get to see God-given courage. Courage evidenced in a sign propped up against rubble that used to be homes that says, “We praise you in the storm”. Courage of a college swimmer who lost his life as he held up a falling retaining wall allowing his girlfriend to survive. Courage of a mother who expresses her gratitude from a hospital bed amid her grief for the time she had with her young sons whom she had just lost in the storm. Courage of a woman facing chemotherapy again asking for prayer that God be glorified in every step. Courage of a mother sending a child to the best rehab center that she can find. God-inspired courage- flowers in the valley. The same courage that Jesus received as he prayed “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me, yet not my will, but yours be done.” Even in the face of death, God sent his angels to appear before Christ and strengthened him. More flowers in the valley. Lam 3:19-22 “I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet I call to mind and therefore I have hope. Because of the Lord’s great love, we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail…” God’s hope, love, and compassion- God's Grace and precious Flowers in the valley…
I think back to my valleys over the years. Yes, there were always flowers in the valley. Those flowers appeared in how the Holy Spirit taught me and strengthened my faith. Those flowers were my precious children who were both born to me and given to me through marriage. Flowers at work that allowed me to be financially secure despite divorce or corporate failure. Flowers in my girlfriends who have filled the gap with my kids when my work kept me on the road. Flowers when my sister showed up unasked at one of the saddest times of my life, and a whole flower garden resulting from my mother’s love and support through every peak and valley. The faith she taught me growing up, the support she has provided over the years especially when I needed help caring for my kids as a single mom, and the example of love that she provides every day. I see and experience Christ in my mother’s love. A life full of flowers!
So today, I honor my mother. And I honor the gift that God is in all- peaks and valleys. I am thankful that there are always flowers in the valley!!!
So, I run for all the mothers who are the flowers to their children. And, I run for those who are struggling in the valley at this moment. May you fear no evil and may you experience HIS presence and comfort! And may you see the flowers in the valley!
Sunday, April 27, 2014
Running the race with courage!
For those of you who may not have followed blog, the very first entry addressed the purpose of this blog. It starts with a commitment to run a 1000 miles during a 12 month period in honor of the journey of battling my son’s addiction. My son battles each day to maintain his sobriety. My journey is about learning to detach with love, to feel compassion but not enable, and to shift my need to control his life to reliance on God to walk that path with him just as I know he walks with me. Believe me not one of those is easy for a mother. My battle at some point every day is to redirect my fears about his life to the focus on what God is doing in my life and faith that He is working in the life of my son. It takes practice. It takes grasping for the bigger picture- God’s plan. It takes courage to step through fear to a place of faith and reliance. And, it takes courage to run the race set before us.
I had the opportunity to talk to a friend of mine this week who completed the Boston Marathon on Monday. We talked about all the training and preparation it took. It was grueling. This was his first marathon and he worked diligently to prepare so that he could qualify and finish this race. The race was hard. The beginning apparently goes downhill which you would think would be easy but you have to pace yourself even if it would be easier to go at top speed- Easier initially but not smart if you want to finish the race. He finished at a decent time but the end was very difficult for him. He was dehydrated, hot, sore, and barely able to get beyond the finish line to the place where he signed his paperwork and picked up his bag.
He also told me that he was about halfway through when he realized his focus was managing his race time. Instead, he needed to take it all in- the people, the cheers, the runners, and the support that was everywhere. The reality was that he was there for a more important reason. He was running in honor of his brother, sister-in-law and her sister who were all injured when the first bomb went off last year on Boylston Street. He was running with a much higher calling than just meeting his goal times. His whole family had returned including the three that were injured. His injured family members have spent the last year on a journey of recovery and their race is not yet finished. This act of courage was about facing their fears. There was more to the story than the bombers ever intended. They wanted to silence. But, this is not to be the case. This country, this city, and these runners were not to be silenced and defined by this act of evil. They faced their fears as a family by going back to the place where there was so much harm and moved forward by living life in that moment.
It takes courage to face your fears. Maybe your fears are tied to the past or being afraid of being “found out”. But God is willing to take the harms, the regret, the guilt and replace it with grace and love. In 2 Corinthians, we are told that God’s grace is sufficient for us and his power is perfected in our weakness. I have to remind myself of this constantly that God works miracles out of disasters. He loves my son and saved him by grace on this earth and forevermore. He loves all his children and sheds grace on us all each and every day. So, through faith in God’s Grace, we can be courageous!
It takes courage to face your enemies. Enemies can be harmful in very different ways. They can treat you with cruelty and disrespect. Sometimes, it’s more subtle than that but regardless of the degree, it can silence us or we lose focus on the truth of who we are. The enemy may not be a person but a disease like addiction that wants to steal your life. In Genesis, when Joseph saw his brothers again after they had sold him into slavery, he told them, “Do not be afraid. You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good…” I know that God works through the pain to bring about a bigger story. And anything is possible with God… Through faith in God’s Plan, we can be courageous!
Lastly, it takes courage to face your circumstances. There are times when life is upside down. If you focus on the circumstance, you will stay in a place of fear. You have to refocus and know that God is in all and right by your side. The hardest week of my life was letting my son live in the car when his addiction had taken control the last time. It was gut-wrenching. I remember lying on the floor, sobbing, and asking God to be with my son and to give me some peace. He was with my son every step of the way. It was the beginning of this recovery. In Deuteronomy, the Lord tells Joshua to be strong and courageous….for the Lord goes with you and will be with you, he will never leave you or forsake you.” Through faith in God’s Presence, we can be courageous!
This week has been full of examples of stepping forth courageously. From my friend and the many runners and victims who came back to Boston, to another friend that shared his story of addiction with the men of his church, and even to my need to speak the truth to someone I love dearly, I know God is in it all. There is grace available this moment and every one going forward. God’s plan can take the enemy's plan and turn it for good. We just celebrated his death and resurrection. There is no better assurance than that. And lastly, he walks with us every day through the Holy Spirit. We never have to face our circumstances alone. Through faith, WE CAN BE COURAGEOUS!
So today, in honor of my son and those fighting addiction, those who ran or went back to Boston, and those of you who are fighting some other battle, I run in honor of your courage!
I had the opportunity to talk to a friend of mine this week who completed the Boston Marathon on Monday. We talked about all the training and preparation it took. It was grueling. This was his first marathon and he worked diligently to prepare so that he could qualify and finish this race. The race was hard. The beginning apparently goes downhill which you would think would be easy but you have to pace yourself even if it would be easier to go at top speed- Easier initially but not smart if you want to finish the race. He finished at a decent time but the end was very difficult for him. He was dehydrated, hot, sore, and barely able to get beyond the finish line to the place where he signed his paperwork and picked up his bag.
He also told me that he was about halfway through when he realized his focus was managing his race time. Instead, he needed to take it all in- the people, the cheers, the runners, and the support that was everywhere. The reality was that he was there for a more important reason. He was running in honor of his brother, sister-in-law and her sister who were all injured when the first bomb went off last year on Boylston Street. He was running with a much higher calling than just meeting his goal times. His whole family had returned including the three that were injured. His injured family members have spent the last year on a journey of recovery and their race is not yet finished. This act of courage was about facing their fears. There was more to the story than the bombers ever intended. They wanted to silence. But, this is not to be the case. This country, this city, and these runners were not to be silenced and defined by this act of evil. They faced their fears as a family by going back to the place where there was so much harm and moved forward by living life in that moment.
It takes courage to face your fears. Maybe your fears are tied to the past or being afraid of being “found out”. But God is willing to take the harms, the regret, the guilt and replace it with grace and love. In 2 Corinthians, we are told that God’s grace is sufficient for us and his power is perfected in our weakness. I have to remind myself of this constantly that God works miracles out of disasters. He loves my son and saved him by grace on this earth and forevermore. He loves all his children and sheds grace on us all each and every day. So, through faith in God’s Grace, we can be courageous!
It takes courage to face your enemies. Enemies can be harmful in very different ways. They can treat you with cruelty and disrespect. Sometimes, it’s more subtle than that but regardless of the degree, it can silence us or we lose focus on the truth of who we are. The enemy may not be a person but a disease like addiction that wants to steal your life. In Genesis, when Joseph saw his brothers again after they had sold him into slavery, he told them, “Do not be afraid. You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good…” I know that God works through the pain to bring about a bigger story. And anything is possible with God… Through faith in God’s Plan, we can be courageous!
Lastly, it takes courage to face your circumstances. There are times when life is upside down. If you focus on the circumstance, you will stay in a place of fear. You have to refocus and know that God is in all and right by your side. The hardest week of my life was letting my son live in the car when his addiction had taken control the last time. It was gut-wrenching. I remember lying on the floor, sobbing, and asking God to be with my son and to give me some peace. He was with my son every step of the way. It was the beginning of this recovery. In Deuteronomy, the Lord tells Joshua to be strong and courageous….for the Lord goes with you and will be with you, he will never leave you or forsake you.” Through faith in God’s Presence, we can be courageous!
This week has been full of examples of stepping forth courageously. From my friend and the many runners and victims who came back to Boston, to another friend that shared his story of addiction with the men of his church, and even to my need to speak the truth to someone I love dearly, I know God is in it all. There is grace available this moment and every one going forward. God’s plan can take the enemy's plan and turn it for good. We just celebrated his death and resurrection. There is no better assurance than that. And lastly, he walks with us every day through the Holy Spirit. We never have to face our circumstances alone. Through faith, WE CAN BE COURAGEOUS!
So today, in honor of my son and those fighting addiction, those who ran or went back to Boston, and those of you who are fighting some other battle, I run in honor of your courage!
Sunday, April 20, 2014
Shame, no more!
One of the primary reasons that I have engaged in this blog is tell our story so that others are more comfortable to share their stories. I have found that my transparency leads to others being transparent right back. Perhaps in that sharing, there is less loneliness and more support. And, God’s love is more apparent. During the past few weeks, I have heard from friends and strangers telling their stories. One thing I have noted is that there is so much shame on to which people hold. The topics have ranged from insecurities to very deep topics like suicide, abuse, and addiction.
It is very easy for me to connect to the pain that comes from feeling shame. I really struggled with shame growing up. For some reason, I felt unlovable as a young child and really long into adulthood. Somehow never enough- not cute enough, not good enough, not smart enough… I kept an internal list for years of things I did or didn’t do, or ways I was treated that reinforced the feelings of not being enough. I was never told that early in life. In fact, I was very much told the opposite at home. For some reason, I just felt it at my core. I didn’t really know the truth of being a child of God. On the outside, I worked very hard to hide my shame. I had a lot of friends, made good grades, and was always busy. But in the quiet of the car, is when the tears of the “soul hurt”, the “not enough” crept out. It wasn’t just that I made mistakes. It was that I WAS a mistake. The difference between guilt and shame is that guilt is tied to an action versus being tied to an ache of being wrong at the core. Believe me, that is a terrible way to live…
So, this concept of shame has been on my mind all week. I almost postponed my blog waiting to write it after Easter Sunday. But then, what better day to write about shame or rather the antidote to shame! Shame assumes that there is something wrong with us. As I mentioned earlier- a “not enough” feeling. It focuses us on what we cannot do or be rather than we were created to do. It certainly doesn’t focus on the gift we received at Easter all those years ago. It is deceiving rather than truthful.
That deceit often causes us to want to hide either by withdrawing from those around or creating a façade. Either approach causes a barrier to relationship. And, any time that there is a barrier to relationship, the breadth of joy in this world is limited if our connection to others is limited.
Lastly, the other reaction to the deceit of shame is to search for behaviors which minimize the pain that comes from the hole in our soul. Sometimes, that is in negative behaviors like drinking or taking drugs or searching for love to fill that hole. It can be in ways that the world may see as more positive like extreme focus on body image, work, school, or a myriad of other behaviors, hobbies, or community activities. But, I suspect, just as my tears came when I was in the quiet of a car, those driven by shame are well aware of the pain when they find themselves alone.
My son said earlier this week that Shame ties us to our past. I believe it can certainly steal your future if you allow it. But, there is a hope when we focus on the Truth. We were created to be in relationship. God already knows our deepest secrets and loves us regardless. He is Love! We were created uniquely by God to fulfill a purpose on this earth. When we feel we are “not enough”, He is Enough! Lastly, the pain that comes from the longing in our soul is only fully satisfied in Him. He is our Completion!
Today on this Resurrection Sunday, IT IS FINISHED! As the supreme act of sacrificial love, our Christ took on our sin and shame. He died a painful death but then arose victorious over that death. Hallelujah! He was Love! The Cross was Enough! The Resurrection was Completion in its fullest sense! So, when we carry shame, we don’t acknowledge all that Christ is and what he has done on our behalf. There are people in my life and I’m sure yours who struggle with shame. I still struggle with it from time to time. For those that have addiction in their lives, this is a real emotional challenge.
My son and I were discussing that several people in his community had relapsed over the last several weeks. He said very matter of factly that addicts relapse and the community was there to support them. And then, he thoughtfully said that addiction is the only mental health issue that people yell at you when the compulsions of your mental health challenge takes over. It struck my heart how easy it is to react to the addict’s behaviors in a way that assumes that the core is bad. “My son should see how much he hurts us”. “Her husband is such a weak man that he can't say no to that drink.” “Her mother must not be a very caring person or she wouldn’t behave this way.” There are consequences to the behaviors of the addict. The disease is wretched and does mask the person underneath. But that person underneath is still perfectly created by God. God loves the addict just like he loved us and took on all our sin and shame at the cross. He is enough to deal with anything including addiction. And, our forgiveness is complete in his resurrection. Thank goodness for that as we all need forgiveness!
So today, if you are struggling with shame, run to the cross and-
Know that God loves you and wants you to be free of that shame. Lay it at the foot of the cross. His sacrifice is enough. Your forgiveness is complete through His victory. And you can be victorious over anything when you are complete in Him.
It is finished. Light has won. Truth conquers deceit. Through Christ- You are redeemed! Shame, no more…
Thank God, Sunday came! Happy Easter!
Sallie
It is very easy for me to connect to the pain that comes from feeling shame. I really struggled with shame growing up. For some reason, I felt unlovable as a young child and really long into adulthood. Somehow never enough- not cute enough, not good enough, not smart enough… I kept an internal list for years of things I did or didn’t do, or ways I was treated that reinforced the feelings of not being enough. I was never told that early in life. In fact, I was very much told the opposite at home. For some reason, I just felt it at my core. I didn’t really know the truth of being a child of God. On the outside, I worked very hard to hide my shame. I had a lot of friends, made good grades, and was always busy. But in the quiet of the car, is when the tears of the “soul hurt”, the “not enough” crept out. It wasn’t just that I made mistakes. It was that I WAS a mistake. The difference between guilt and shame is that guilt is tied to an action versus being tied to an ache of being wrong at the core. Believe me, that is a terrible way to live…
So, this concept of shame has been on my mind all week. I almost postponed my blog waiting to write it after Easter Sunday. But then, what better day to write about shame or rather the antidote to shame! Shame assumes that there is something wrong with us. As I mentioned earlier- a “not enough” feeling. It focuses us on what we cannot do or be rather than we were created to do. It certainly doesn’t focus on the gift we received at Easter all those years ago. It is deceiving rather than truthful.
That deceit often causes us to want to hide either by withdrawing from those around or creating a façade. Either approach causes a barrier to relationship. And, any time that there is a barrier to relationship, the breadth of joy in this world is limited if our connection to others is limited.
Lastly, the other reaction to the deceit of shame is to search for behaviors which minimize the pain that comes from the hole in our soul. Sometimes, that is in negative behaviors like drinking or taking drugs or searching for love to fill that hole. It can be in ways that the world may see as more positive like extreme focus on body image, work, school, or a myriad of other behaviors, hobbies, or community activities. But, I suspect, just as my tears came when I was in the quiet of a car, those driven by shame are well aware of the pain when they find themselves alone.
My son said earlier this week that Shame ties us to our past. I believe it can certainly steal your future if you allow it. But, there is a hope when we focus on the Truth. We were created to be in relationship. God already knows our deepest secrets and loves us regardless. He is Love! We were created uniquely by God to fulfill a purpose on this earth. When we feel we are “not enough”, He is Enough! Lastly, the pain that comes from the longing in our soul is only fully satisfied in Him. He is our Completion!
Today on this Resurrection Sunday, IT IS FINISHED! As the supreme act of sacrificial love, our Christ took on our sin and shame. He died a painful death but then arose victorious over that death. Hallelujah! He was Love! The Cross was Enough! The Resurrection was Completion in its fullest sense! So, when we carry shame, we don’t acknowledge all that Christ is and what he has done on our behalf. There are people in my life and I’m sure yours who struggle with shame. I still struggle with it from time to time. For those that have addiction in their lives, this is a real emotional challenge.
My son and I were discussing that several people in his community had relapsed over the last several weeks. He said very matter of factly that addicts relapse and the community was there to support them. And then, he thoughtfully said that addiction is the only mental health issue that people yell at you when the compulsions of your mental health challenge takes over. It struck my heart how easy it is to react to the addict’s behaviors in a way that assumes that the core is bad. “My son should see how much he hurts us”. “Her husband is such a weak man that he can't say no to that drink.” “Her mother must not be a very caring person or she wouldn’t behave this way.” There are consequences to the behaviors of the addict. The disease is wretched and does mask the person underneath. But that person underneath is still perfectly created by God. God loves the addict just like he loved us and took on all our sin and shame at the cross. He is enough to deal with anything including addiction. And, our forgiveness is complete in his resurrection. Thank goodness for that as we all need forgiveness!
So today, if you are struggling with shame, run to the cross and-
Know that God loves you and wants you to be free of that shame. Lay it at the foot of the cross. His sacrifice is enough. Your forgiveness is complete through His victory. And you can be victorious over anything when you are complete in Him.
It is finished. Light has won. Truth conquers deceit. Through Christ- You are redeemed! Shame, no more…
Thank God, Sunday came! Happy Easter!
Sallie
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